Question:

Thank you so much for creating this platform, God bless you.

I graduated from college a few years ago. I have tried to work in some organization, but yet to be fulfilled. Presently, I am still looking for a good job to sustain my living. I am the first born of my family. I have a lot of roles to play to contribute to the family as well.

I have some issues bothering my heart on who to get married to. I have been praying to have a good lady whom I will truly love unconditionally, but yet I haven't gotten a response to that. I have several ladies who are truly in love with me, yet I am not satisfied to pick one as my choice. They are ready to be my wife, but I am not ready to accept anyone of them to be my wife because I am yet to be convinced about who I truly love most. Could this be happening because I am not ready to have one all for the reasons that I am yet to have a job to cater for my wife to be? Or could this be because I haven't gotten my choice among them? I am growing older every year and I need to settle my mind with one person to get married to as soon as possible, but I am have yet to find whom my heart truly wants. Or am I practising adultery with this act?

Please, kindly tell me what to do. I need light to cover my darkness. Thank you for considering my issue. God Bless You.


Answer:

Adultery is when a person is having sex with someone who is married to someone else or when the person is married to someone else. Sex when you are not married is called fornication. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).

I suspect that you are looking for the perfect wife, but perfection doesn't exist.

"When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her -- but, alas, she was waiting for the perfect man." [Robert Schuman]

The advice I give young men is to decide what kind of woman you want by your side for the rest of your life. The list should consist of character traits and not physical looks. It is best to make the list without any particular woman in mind, otherwise there is a temptation to bias the list toward that person. When you find a woman who has those qualities, then date her to see if both of you are interested in marriage. If it works out, you need not look any further. If it doesn't, then you resume your search.

But what you do not do is find the absolute best match. When you do that, you make mistakes because you know the person you are dating better than a person you have not dated. People have a tendency to fill in the gaps of the things they don't know about another person with things they want to find. They end up with an inaccurate, skewed version of the person. Thus, every person not considered always looks better than the people you know well.

Thank you so much, sir, for these inspirational words. I am truly blessed by these words. I know now where to amend my ways. You have truly spoken the truth. I have been touched and blessed by this truth to walk in the right part to get things right.

God bless you, sir, and your ministry. I am really grateful to have your response to my complaint. I look forward to learn more of these words to develop my Christianity.

Thank you for the time spent to read my message.