Question:

My girlfriend and I are in a strong relationship for about an year or so. I love her so much and she loves me. But there is a little problem that's growing bigger in my mind and occupies a large part of my mind.

The problem is she been with couple of guys in the past before she met me. The one before me is her cousin. She loves that guy so much. They were great friends. She had feelings for him and when she expressed her feelings to that guy, he said, "I love someone else but we can be friends." She accepted that. Later, I came in her life and she fall in love with me, but she is still friends with that guy. Actually they are more than friends; they still go out together, have chats and texts. She talks a lot about him. I told her I don't like that. She said would leave him, but after 2 or 3 days she starts doing same thing.

Sometimes she asks me in very polite way whether she can speak to him once. I can't refuse her, so I have to say yes -- an unwilling yes. Then she starts again.

This is all killing me. I don't know what to do. I want to know if this healthy for her too. Beyond the fact of how bad I feel, is it good to stay connected to that person when she is planning her future with me, like marriage, family and all?

Please help me. What should I do?

I love her a lot.


Answer:

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails" (I Corinthians 13:4-8).

If you are positive that your girlfriend loves you, then it doesn't matter who she talks to. However, it appears to me that you are not confident that she loves you. Either you accept that her cousin is a part of your girlfriend's life, or you tell her that since it appears she prefers her cousin to you, that you won't stand in her way and that you'll find someone else.

My guess is that she will give up her cousin to stay with you, but if not, then you have your answer.

If she denies that she is interested in her cousin, then ask her how are you supposed to know?

But whatever happens, stop telling her who she can or cannot speak with. She doesn't need to come to you for permission. Instead, you observe and then decide based on her actions whether this is the type of woman you want at your side for the rest of your life -- as she is, without changes. If her cousin is a part of her life, then either he also becomes a part of your life, or you find another girlfriend.