Question:

Hello,

I have a difficult situation that I blame myself for. I have two children out of wedlock by two different men. I am very ashamed; however, I love my children. I got saved a year ago and just got baptized last week. Anyway, to make a long story short, I have stopped fornicating with my second child's father in the past. However, I always give in and put my lusts before God. Not to mention that my child's father doesn't make it easy either. I miss my close relationship I once had with God, but I don't know what to do about my fornicating. I have kicked my child's father out only for him to end up back, because he acts like a child and makes my life miserable. I get weary and give up. Not to mention, my fornicating is my making my own life miserable without anyone helping me.

Sorry for ranting, I just have a lot on my heart that this email won't cover. In a nutshell, how do I stop fornicating with him and succeed? He won't leave. He's on drugs and makes threats. He doesn't want more kids out of wedlock, but isn't ready to marry because he is on the run from the cops.

I know, you're probably wondering what my problem is. He shouldn't be in my house or around my kids.I have no idea what's wrong with me. I feel like I have tried so hard in the past. I am ready to almost give up. I don't know what I need. I just pray that God fixes everything. Whether that means his luck runs out and he goes to jail or we both miraculously change for the better -- not going to happen.

I'm just illustrating how boggled my mind is and it's all my fault. I need some hard, blunt, advice and a swift kick inthe pants I guess. I sublease from my mom, and I thought her kicking me and my kids out would be the wake up call I needed to wise up and get my act together and leave this individual alone. I know better. Why am I not doing better? This a real question. What can I do to escape this person, thus escaping fornication? How do I snap out of this delusion or whatever my problem is. Pride?

Thank you in advance.


Answer:

It appears to me that you make decisions based on whatever direction requires the least effort on your part. You know the man you are with is not good for you or your children, but it is easier to ignore his flaws because to take a stand against his sins requires effort. That is why you are hoping that the police or God will take the decision away from you. "The lazy man buries his hand in the bowl; it wearies him to bring it back to his mouth" (Proverbs 26:15).

You know what you want, but you aren't willing to put the effort into obtaining those things. "The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; but the soul of the diligent shall be made rich" (Proverbs 13:4). God has always required that people put effort into living a righteous life.

You tell me the man you are with is:

  • Encouraging you to continue to sin
  • Is a drug addict
  • A criminal on the run
  • Verbally abusive
  • Childish

Yet you talk as if you would marry him if he was willing, despite the fact that you acknowledge that he is not good for you or the children. I suspect that you are in bed with him because he accepts you. It appears easier to stay with him that live life without him.

I can't make you do what you already know is true. You have to be willing to work at making your life better. You don't have to take the first man who comes along. You've always had choices, but because you avoid hardships, you rarely make good decisions and the result has been a far harder life in the long run.

To change means a willingness to work hard. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).

I can even see it in your statement that you were saved a year ago and was baptized a week ago. No one is saved by a mere claim of faith. Salvation comes to those who repent and are baptized. "Then Peter said to them, "Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit"" (Acts 2:38). You would like to change (repent), but you have not yet changed. Thus, you got wet last week, but you have not met God's conditions for salvation. As Jesus pointed out, "I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish" (Luke 13:3).

Start by removing the sins in your life that you are aware of. Learn God's word so you know what it is to live righteously. "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works" (Titus 2:11-14). The follow the true plan of salvation that God laid out for His people. See: How to Become a Christian.

I thought we were saved through grace by faith. We can't work our way to heaven, even if we were the most righteous people in the world. It's a free gift from God. Baptism is a picture of salvation. There's no power in the water. We are saved by faith. Period.

Thank You for your answer, however. The latter is true. I need to make the effort. Not just wait for someone else to do it for me. I just have a lot on my plate with my disabled child. So, I guess that's why I get scared of doing anything that involves a lot of work. I need to keep in mind that this is for God. Not me or anyone else. I'm ready. Pray for me please.

I appreciate it, sir. Take care.

"You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only" (James 2:24). Only God can put a period in His Law. See: Salvation by Grace.