Question:

I have a really difficult moment. I really need your help. I am 24 years old and I'm a Christian.

I only had one boyfriend and with him I didn't have nothing more than a kiss, like a peck, and some holding hands and hugs. I was 16 years old at the time. After that, I didn't have anyone in my life because I wanted to wait until marriage.

However, I met a guy recently. I don't know how it happened, but we kissed, held hands, and even he touched my body. He touched my bare breasts, and I don't remember how it happened. I hate myself for letting him do that. I feel so lost. I am virgin but before I was thinking I was too innocent for my age, but now I feel very bad inside. I know it was wrong for me to let him touch me that much, and I actually enjoyed it.

How can I make God forgive me? I have done wrong. I think at some point I knew it was wrong but kept going knowing it was wrong. I feel as if God is disappointed in me and I feel as if I am not pure anymore. I feel a deep sadness inside of me. I didn't do this anymore, but I still feel so bad. What can I do? How can I approach God and have a relation with Him? Can He still forgive me? Why do I feel He doesn't listen, even if I cry for hours in my room and always seek Him in my life? I sometimes think I'll never meet the one for me and maybe this is why I accepted this guy who is not even a Christian. I sometimes wonder if I can be saved!

Please, would you like to give me an advice? I really need it. God bless you and thank you so much!


Answer:

A part of your problem is that you are asking all the wrong questions. No one can make God do anything. Forgiveness comes, not because someone forces God to forgive, but because God chooses to graciously offer salvation. God offers salvation for His own sake, not because anyone earned it. "He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake" (Psalms 23:3).

That offer of salvation from our sins exists regardless of what we do. Whether we accept His offer by conforming to His will is up to each individual. "But if a wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed, keeps all My statutes, and does what is lawful and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die. None of the transgressions which he has committed shall be remembered against him; because of the righteousness which he has done, he shall live. "Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?" says the Lord GOD, "and not that he should turn from his ways and live?"" (Ezekiel 18:21-23). How to Become a Christian describes how to properly enter into a covenant with God and become His child. Once you are a true child of God, I John 1:9 tells us how we can ask for forgiveness when we sin. Thus, the real problem is not that forgiveness is not available, but that you don't trust God to keep His word.

Instead, you put far greater emphasis on your personal feelings. You have decided that if you don't feel forgiven, then God hasn't forgiven you. "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But whoever walks wisely will be delivered" (Proverbs 28:26). "And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things" (I John 3:19-20). Your forgiveness has nothing to do with your feelings about the matter.

God warned, "Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals"" (I Corinthians 15:33). You dated a guy who wasn't following God. He took advantage of you for his own pleasure. You allowed things to go too far because, again, you were following your feelings instead of trusting what God said. Of course being touched sexually felt good. That is way God made the human body, but it is also the reason why God said that such touching is reserved for married couples only. "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband" (I Corinthians 7:1-2).

Therefore, quit feeling sorry for yourself and resolve to change. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).

First of all, I want to thank you so much for your reply. May God bless you!

Secondly, I have never seen things so clear! I always, even before this incident, I couldn't go near God because I felt like He doesn't listen or He doesn't like me because I am not worthy to go near His Holy presence. I feel ashamed now that I understand it was lack of trust in Him.

Thank you for the article, I read it all. However, I still have some small questions. I hope I don't bother you. I just want to ask something: I prayed to God and asked for forgiveness, so now all I can do is to believe He forgave me or do I have to pray more? Now that this happened, can I be pure again? I'm still virgin, but before I was also pure -- nobody ever touched me where he shouldn't. I can't believe with my foolish action I could disappoint God so much. I waited all my life for "the one", until this incident. My ex-boyfriend was a Christian, so we barely touched. Now that I did it, will this affect my future relation with the one I will marry? You said I need to "resolve to change," so how can I do that? It's OK only with my decision to stop feeling sorry for myself and the will to stop trusting in my own feelings and trust God?

I want Him to be first in my life, and live how He wants me to live. All I need to do is just follow the steps in the article? I am not baptized and my family doesn't go to any church. What can I do?

Thank you a lot!

You continue to think that you purchase your forgiveness with the number of prayers that you make. That is not what God asks of a person. Since you haven't yet obeyed God in doing what He requires of you, so that you can become His child, that should be your first priority. With baptism comes the removal of all prior sins. "And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name" (Acts 22:16). What you do is find a church in your area that teaches the truth according to the Scriptures. It doesn't matter if the rest of your family goes or not. You need to go, then you might be able to encourage them to join you.

Your past affects your future only in how much you let it affect you. Right now you are dragging your past along with you. Seek God's forgiveness and then let the past go.

By resolving to change, I mean changing your behavior so that you don't get caught in these types of situations again.

Thank you so much! God bless you and your family! I have never had anyone who I could talk to about this matters. Thank you for telling me what to do exactly. If along my path of faith I find doubts or questions, can I write to you again? Or maybe I'll bother you too much? I understand if it is so. Thank you and God bless you!

Yes, you may write to me again concerning other questions you have. I do not mind.