Question:

I am having difficulties regarding getting along with my sister, especially regarding our mom and her care. We just recently lost our father. My sister has been difficult in the past and is more controlling now. I now realize that it is best for my sanity if I take breaks away from her. I don't want to be controlled! At this time my mom is declining, so it has been a tough road! I don't feel my sister has the best interest regarding mom. It is not best for the current caregiver to be in charge of gathering mom's personnel items, overall bills, valuables and addressing the family concerns to her and totally leaving me out at this time! She knows of my concerns and currently does not care! As a Christian I want to know if would it be a sin, when my mom passes, if I don't attend her funeral? I am sadden at this time, but I feel it is important to visit my mom as often as I can while she is alive.


Answer:

You have your priorities in the right place. While your mom remains here on earth, visit her often and see to her needs. Try to avoid squabbles with your sister. You state what you think is best and then leave it at that. I assume that you and your sister still live at home? I assume also that your sister is the eldest? Are you a minor or an adult?

Not knowing your sister, my guess is that she is handling her grief over a situation she can't control by trying to control everything else.

In regards to inheritance, someone will be put in charge of settling your mother's bills and distributing what remains of her estate. That person will be determined by the rules of your country. The best way to look at this is to expect nothing and be appreciative of what might come.

Funerals are for the people who remain after a person dies. I know you would rather not go. I suspect that you don't want the passing of your mother reinforced. But Solomon noted, "It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, because that is the end of every man, and the living takes it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for when a face is sad a heart may be happy. The mind of the wise is in the house of mourning, while the mind of fools is in the house of pleasure" (Ecclesiastes 7:2-4). Facing death keeps us grounded, reminding all of us that we have limited time.

Sure you can skip the funeral. You will also likely make an enemy of your sister for the rest of your lives because she will always hold that against you. To spend time for a short while where you would rather not be will not hurt you. If there are events at the funeral that deal with things contrary to Christian belief, those you may skip, but be there for the rest.

"If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men" (Romans 12:18).

Thank you, Jeff. Your input means a lot to me! I need Christian feed back to keep me in check! Your dedication by helping others is a given gift by God!