I am a 34 year old male. I am married and having one son. I am live abroad and alone for my work. I have been living in sexual sins and not living a holy life for many years, even before my marriage and after.
My spitiual life was bad most of my life. But two years ago there was good improvement in my spiritual life, and I almost left all my sexual sins. I was improved to the point that I even shared the 'word of God' with people in my apartment complex and with church members in a few meetings. I have temptations every day, but I was able to overcome by the grace of God.
After one year of living a holy life, I fell into self-gratification and had an opportunity to have sex with a prostitute -- I committed sin. I felt so depressed because of my sin after this incident. I feel I completely lost my mind. Now I am back to my old situation and I am worried. I am back to stage one in my life -- a sin filled life. Is there any way to come out of this problem again? How many times will God forgive me? I am living in sin continuously. I am worried and scared. I am totally disappointed with myself. Even I tried to pray, but I am not able to pray for long. I asked for forgiveness from God, but I do not feel peace in my heart. I feel the pain and depression. I hate this situation, and I am so much scared and worried now. Please pray for me. Now I lost hope in me, but I have to win against Satan, come back to Jesus, live a holy life and spread the word of God once again with confidence.
"For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).
There are two types of sorrow that can come in response to sin. One is a sorrow that you wallow in but does not spur you to change. Another is a sorrow that drives you to radically change your life. You have been caught up in the former. You sinned, you grieve over your sins, but you don't leave them.
"Everyone who practices sin also practices lawlessness; and sin is lawlessness. You know that He appeared in order to take away sins; and in Him there is no sin. No one who abides in Him sins; no one who sins has seen Him or knows Him. Little children, make sure no one deceives you; the one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous; the one who practices sin is of the devil; for the devil has sinned from the beginning. The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil. No one who is born of God practices sin, because His seed abides in him; and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. By this the children of God and the children of the devil are obvious: anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor the one who does not love his brother" (I John 3:4-10).
When make it a practice to sin, then you are not in fellowship with God. It doesn't mean you will never sin because all people will slip up at times. "If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us" (I John 1:8). But a child of God doesn't make a practice of sin -- he doesn't remain in sin, but rather because of he rejection of sin, he every effort to get sin back out of his life. He refuses to let sin define his life.
A child of Satan is the opposite. He doesn't make a practice of righteous living. When he sins, he only a token effort or no effort to get out of sin. While he may say he hates sin, by his actions you can see that he has accepted that sin is going to continue to be a part of his life. Thus, sin defines his life.
You have good reason to be afraid because you can't make it to heaven while remaining in sin. "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Depression and feelings of guilt are not excuses to continue to sin. They should be reasons to get out of sin, and once out you can look back and be thankful that you are no longer in sin.
Thanks for the reply. I have confessed my sin to Jesus in prayer. Please guide me now. I don't want to get back into sin. I am not able to pray daily. I have not returned to this sin in the last two weeks. I am OK, but I don't want to fall back into sin.
There are two parts to living righteously: avoiding sin and filling your life with so much good that there is no room for sin. Many people try only to stay away from sin and eventually find that sin doesn't stay away from them. See: Light and Dark, especially point IV.
Thanks. I understand. I should fill myself with the word of God and prayer so that I remain in the light.