Question:

Good day sir,

I have this guilt that keeps haunting me. I started having pre-marital sex which eventually led to me getting pregnant. Because I come from a religious family, I decided to have an abortion so that I didn't bring shame, disgrace and pain to my family. I know it wasn't the right choice, but I did it. After that I still carried on with having pre-marital sex and tried to run away from the guilt.

Right now I have come back to my senses, and I realize all I have done. I am taking steps to build my relationship with God. I have now left the relationship as my boyfriend does not share the same belief with me and I do not want to be caught making the same mistakes.

My question is it bad that I left my boyfriend as he doesn't believe in the same things? Should I wait and hope he changes? Secondly, if in the future I meet someone else, do I have to tell the person about all that I did in the past?

Thanks in advance for your reply.


Answer:

I find it sad that young people think it is a disgrace to bring a child into this world, but don't consider the sins that led to a child a disgrace. It wasn't the child's fault that you sinned. Better would have been to give the child to loving parents to raise and in this way bring some joy to other people's lives.

I'm glad you are growing up and taking responsibility for your life and your decisions. To be in a relationship with God, it requires staying away from sin. "This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin" (I John 1:5-7). Therefore, to get close to God, you could not continue committing fornication with your boyfriend (I Corinthians 6:9-10). I gather your boyfriend didn't understand why you are not refusing to have sex with him.

Will he change? That will be up to him. He might claim to change just to impress you and in hopes that you will come back to his bed. He might change because he sees it is the right thing to do. Most likely he will simply continue as he has in the past and find some other girl who is willing to have sex with him. Thus, it isn't worth waiting for him to change, because he may never change. You definitely don't continue sin in hopes of getting something good out of it. "And why not say, "Let us do evil that good may come"? -- as we are slanderously reported and as some affirm that we say. Their condemnation is just" (Romans 3:8).

In the future, I'm expecting you to behave as a proper Christian, which includes not having sex or doing the things that lead to sex, until you are married. But when you find a man whom you love and hope to marry, it is likely the topic of past sexual relationships will come up. You should tell the man you wish to marriage that you are not a virgin. You may need to mention that you had an abortion. Both need to be presented as something that happened that you regret and wish you knew then what you know now.