Question:

I didn't explore the web site, but a particular question and answer on the site really is starting to plant a seed in my life.

I understand that sex before marriage is wrong. I've sought an opinion on my situation from a lot of online sites and I never got a response. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year, but he doesn't want to marry me until I finish my degree, which would take about 5 years. We are currently having sex, but I only do it to keep him happy. I am a Christian and go to church. He just claims to believe in God.

We love each other. I just can't see the relationship ending. We have grown so close together, it's impossible.

He says he would never give up sex for anything, and when I make my decision to stop he won't allow me leave the relationship. He says to give him time to get to know God. I don't mind, but I just don't want to have sex. He insists he would never stop, but neither would he marry me until 5 years go by.

I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if sex in this case is wrong. I think it's not Christian to break up with him because he doesn't want to break up with me and promises to marry me. What should I do?. I need your advice. I'm dying on the inside. I'm lost and weary. I would appreciate any type of advice.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.


Answer:

"Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

I have a different approach to life than you. I look at what God commands and then make my decisions within the confines of His teachings. You put your life first and then try to somehow fit God into it if it is convenient. Your boyfriend has a third approach. He does as he wants and if it happens that it matches something God wants, then great! But he isn't changing to please God or anyone else.

There are no exceptions. Sex before marriage is sinful. All the claims of love and the empty promises of marriage in the future doesn't justify sin.

Therefore, the real question is do you want to serve God or serve your boyfriend. It seems fairly clear that your boyfriend is saying that if you don't give him sex when he demands it, he is going to find it somewhere else. His claim to give him time "to know God" is just a delay tactic. A man cannot come to know God while remaining unrepented in sin. "Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked" (I John 2:3-6).

I'm not saying you have to end this relationship. I am saying that you have to stop sinning. Not just giving up the fornication, but also the lewd behavior and lust that accompanies it. Simply tell him that you won't be having sex with him or any other man until after that man marries you. Unfortunately, I believe that when you make that firm commitment he will first try to talk you out of it and if that doesn't work he will leave. If that is the case, then you know that the reason he stayed with you was because of the sex.