Question:

I live with my girlfriend and lately I start learning to live my life under God's commands. She is pregnant right now, and I learned that I have to respect her, so I decided not to have sex with her to honor her body and because it is a sin when we are not married. She wants to have occasional sex, like on important dates, but I want to know if I should agree with her or just be strong and don't do it. She said we already had sex, we are about to have a baby, so why stop loving or showing love?

I want to marry her, but we are too far from that right now because we recently we went through so many problems that I left the house. I came back at the end of January, but we are still trying to get our relationship straight. There's a lot of things that we need to work on. That's why I start learning from God.

I took the challenge of the love dare book from Stephen and Alex Kendrick and that was the reason that help me get my girlfriend back into my life. I thank God to let me have the opportunity to learn His Word. I want to be a better man, a better father and a better husband.

Thank you in advance for your answer. Thank you so much and God bless you.


Answer:

You are building your relationship backward and for that reason you are having difficulties. In Genesis 34 is the story of Dinah and Shechem. Their relationship started with sex, developed into love, and then a proposal of marriage. As Dinah's brothers pointed out, Shechem "had done a disgraceful thing in Israel by lying with Jacob's daughter, a thing which ought not to be done" (Genesis 34:7). The problem then is now that you've done things the wrong way around, how do you straighten up the situation.

It appears that you want to compromise with sin. You want to be able to commit fornication on "special occasions." Since when does the nature of sin change just because you find God's laws inconvenient? "Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14).

There is also the false notion that love is only expressed through sex. Love is separate from sex. What you are doing is interpreting your desire for sex as if it is love, but love is a choice. See: Love Is ... and Love is Different.

Nor is it correct to argue that because you have already sinned that it is acceptable to continue to sin. Would a thief be justified in continuing to steal if he has already stolen?

Until you decide to marry this woman, you have no right to live with her. If you live with her, the temptation to have sex will always be present and since she isn't interested in godly living, she will be continuing to tempt you to sin. Issues in a relationship should be worked on without sex distracting from finding a solution.

While marriage will solve the problem of fornication, it will not solve the problems you are having between you and her. Marriage is for a lifetime, so if you don't agree on fundamental moral issues, or the like, then you made a mistake in who you decided to crawl into bed with. Getting married will not change her mind regarding the things you disagree about. One reason you wait until after marriage to have sex is to avoid complications that arise if you discover you chose the wrong person to date.