Question:

Hello,

I have a question. I have had sex with my ex-boyfriend, and I just can't get over it. I know that I have sinned, I asked God for forgiveness, and I know that God has forgiven me. However, every time I think of my ex-boyfriend, it is so hard for me to forgive myself.

Shortly we will be talking about purity in our women's group. The question is: Do I have to tell them I am not a virgin? I don't want to lie to them, but I am little afraid to share. However, I feel like it will benefit them by me sharing.

When I had sex I called myself a Christian but I wasn't really living the way I should have. Please help me.

Also, my ex-boyfriend doesn't think it's sin to have sex before marriage, even though he claims himself to be a Christian. Should I tell him straight forward that how I hate him and myself for having sex, but with God's love I can endure this hard time? Or should I just leave him alone?

Thank you.


Answer:

It appears to me that you are more concerned about your pride. No, you don't have to tell anyone that you sinned when that sin is over with and in your past, but also does not give you a right to lie about your past either. "Therefore, putting away lying, "Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor," for we are members of one another" (Ephesians 4:25).

Your former boyfriend doesn't understand what it is to be a Christian. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). It is clear that you hold your former boyfriend responsible for talking you into having sex. Even though he encouraged you to sin, ultimately the choice was yours to make. "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:18). Still, you have a responsibility to tell him that it was wrong, not because you hate him, but to encourage him to get out of sin. "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother" (Matthew 18:15). Likely he won't listen to you, but at least you put this behind you because you know you have done all that you can.

That you sinned is a simple fact. That you feel guilty for sinning is how it is supposed to be -- it is the people who have no guilt in regards to sin, such as your former boyfriend, who are the ones who are the dangerous people. "This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, and says, "I have done no wickedness"" (Proverbs 30:20). Guilt reminds us that sin is wrong and to encourage us not to repeat our sins.

Thank you. Thank you so much for your advice. Yes, it is because of my pride that I don't want anyone to know about this. I really appreciate you getting back to me early and thank you again.