I am on my second marriage. Neither my first husband nor myself was faithful during our marriage. I cheated first. My husband now and I have been on ends for about two years, but I believe he has remained faithful. I encountered several men during that time. I gave my life back to Christ and prayed my marriage to be mended, but my husband is still bitter and does not trust me.
Less than a year ago I met a young man who I became really good friends with. He knew that I was married. I began to notice all of the things that I wanted in my husband in him. He prays with me, he is forgiving, he encourages me, we share the same goals. I pulled away at one point from this man thinking "too good to be true," thinking the enemy knows how to tempt me for it is his job. But a part of me feels that I met this man by chance, and I began to love this man. He loves me and has asked me to be his wife.
I have tried so hard to mend things with my husband, but he has become so cold to me. He says he loves and wants me, but he can't even hold me for the thoughts in his head. The only time we talk is to argue. We haven't slept in the same bed in months.
I want to be happy, I want to live a life pleasing to God, I want to teach my children by example how to a faithful servant of God! I also want this man. He makes me happy. I am more torn and confused than anything. I love this man enough that I care about his soul and where he spends his eternal life. I don't want him in hell because of me.
My questions are "what God put together, let no man put assunder" is it possible that I married the wrong man? Should I just be content with my loveless marriage and honor my vows? Can I come back to Christ yet again and leave my sins behind? Leaving this man alone will break his heart. I have broken and am still breaking my husband's heart, my heart hurts, what should I be praying for?
Please help me.
If I understand correctly, you committed adultery in your first marriage which eventually led to your husband also committing adultery. Eventually your marriage ended in divorce, but since both of you are guilty of adultery, neither of you would have the right to marry again (Matthew 19:9; I Corinthians 7:10-11).
Yet you did marry again, which would be adultery, and you again committed adultery with several additional men. Even now there is a man you say you love and want to run off with. Yet, somehow this is all your second husband's fault for not being able to love you despite the fact that you are seeing and being in love with another man.
It is because you approach life with the attitude of "I want to be happy" that you have made yourself unhappy. You never learned to be content with the life God gave you. See: How to be Truly Happy.
You say you want to live a life pleasing to God, but you seem to only focus on doing what you want. "And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?" (Luke 6:46). Worse, you say you want to teach your children by example, but the example you are demonstrating is a godless one.
Then you state that you don't want to break this man's heart -- a man who has been knowingly dating a married woman and who has proposed to her! He is an adulterer, just as you are an adulteress, yet you are concerned about making him feel bad about his sin.
If you are going to truly repent and come to Christ, you have to give up all your sins. Only by living faithfully before God can you set the proper example. Only by following God's laws can you truly find happiness.