Question:

My girlfriend is not a virgin. I'm a virgin but had oral sex with eight girls. Should I leaver her? I need a Christian point of view on this unique situation. My girlfriend is 18 and I am 17. She repented and regretted having intercourse with her ex-boyfriend and wants to wait until marriage. My girlfriend had intercourse one time with her ex-boyfriend and then broke up with him. I've given and received oral sex with eight different girls before my girlfriend. I'm thinking of breaking up with her because I feel like I'm being ripped off because she actually had intercourse. I can't help it, but I look down on her and feel that I should find a virgin who hasn't done anything. But, my friends (girls and guys) tell me I'm being a hypocrite with a double standard. They said I shouldn't be judging people who have had intercourse when I've had oral sex, I had been sexually intimate with multiple girls, been in multiple girls genitals, and given other girls orgasms. Do you think that I'm just as bad as my girlfriend? Am I hypocrite with a double standard?

Thanks, have a blessed week!


Answer:

We have a phrase in my area about the pot calling the kettle black. The phrase means that calling another person wrong or sinful when you are just as guilty is foolish. You are not a virgin because you have had sex with multiple girls. Just because you didn't have vaginal intercourse doesn't make it any less sex (notice that it is called oral sex). However, you want a girl who held to a higher standard than you.

Both of you committed fornication, just in different ways. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).

Further, she made a mistake once and repented of it. To Christians that means the sin is forgiven and treated as if it never happened. You, however, refuse to forgive her of a sin that she didn't commit against you (her sin was against herself - I Corinthians 6:18). "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14-15).

While she repented, you make no mention of regretting your sins or having a desire to change your ways. Personally, I wonder if you are good enough for her. Consider the selfish way you are considering this question. You are claiming that are being harmed because your girlfriend sinned before she knew you. You never consider what you should be offering to this relationship. I don't know if she should consider marrying someone like you.

"Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14).

Hi Mr. Hamilton,

Thank you for your response! It seems that I had the wrong information and inaccurate framework of what is considered sex and virginity. I now realize that I'm not a virgin when I thought I was. I needed an opinion from a godly person so bad. I will absolutely repent and change my ways. I've always read cases all over the Internet where guys are complaining that they are virgins when their girlfriends are not. But these guys never disclose what they've done instead of intercourse.

Thank you so much or your help. I appreciate it! I hope other guys see my case.