Question:

Dear Minister,

I really appreciate your website and time you put in to answer all these questions.

I have a friend who shared this dilemma with me. I wanted to get your opinion about it. My friend is in a long distance relation with this girl who is a praise and worship leader in a church. My friend has the password of the girl's account, which she gave him long time ago but she didn't remember. Last week he felt that he should check that account. Even though it was wrong to spy, he checked it. He found in the chat logs that girl's last conversation was with a guy she worked with before. There was nothing much sexual but flirting, such as where he asked her to visit his place sometime and she kept sending him hugging and kissing smileys, etc. They both were talking on webcam, and she also asked for his pictures. At end of the chat she said "I love you" to the guy, which he didn't respond to with same answer but he did send a smile.

My friend confronted her. She said there was nothing sexual between them, but she did visit his place once. Also she said "I love you" in a pure manner. My friend is very concerned now. They had a fight before when he saw another chat with another guy as well, but there was no flirting. In the end the guy said she is an angel for him. He had asked her to stop and forgave, but she didn't stop. He told that they can't be in a relationship. They already have planned a wedding in June. He says that he can't trust her when she knows no boundary and wants to call the wedding off. She pressured that if he won't marry her, she will commit suicide. He tried many times to explain it, but she won't understand. Even though he had opportunity to have sex or other relations, he refused to do so. But she seems to be not taking it seriously.

I would appreciate your suggestion, so that I can guide him. Thank you.


Answer:

That she is a female leader in a church already tells me that she is attending a denominational church that doesn't follow the Bible closely (I Corinthians 14:34-37). That she would threaten suicide tells me that her faith is not strong.

The problem is that she is an engaged woman who at a minimum thinks there is nothing wrong with flirting with other men. I don't blame your friend for not trusting her and given that lack of trust, he should not marry her. Love is built on trust (I Corinthians 13:4-8) and there cannot be trust in a person who toys with other men and refuses to see anything wrong with it.

My advice is to call off the wedding and if she threatens suicide to call the police where she is to check up on her.

Thank you for the advice. I learned one more new thing about female preachers. So based on those words a woman is not allowed to preach in church? I attended a church where when pastor is not present, his wife preaches.

That is correct. See: Could you clarify when women may speak in church?