I am a Christian. If you can answer this question for me, I would be very thankful.
When I was a child I had a obsessive compulsive disorder. In my thoughts I would say things that I didn't mean and sometimes things that I meant, but I could not control it. Now I am convinced that I promised God that I would read the Bible in three months. I told God that if I didn't do it, then when my time comes to die, He should take my soul in the most gruesome possible way. He will take my soul according to one of my biggest fears.
Now I believe that this "deal" is all my fantasy and this fantasy is a result of the obsessive compulsive disorder that is still present in me in a small way. Also I believe that you cannot do deals with God. I am educated person, and I believe that things like this are blasphemy, but I still need a answer from a preacher. You know the Bible very well and you can give me the best answer. Will God really punish me in this way? I know that He is strict about making vows, but we all have made vows and broke them and not suffered this way. It it a sin, but I believe that He can forgive us. But will He punish me this way just because, when I made a vow and I told him to carry out this sentence if I disobey?
Please, minister, give me an answer. I cannot spend my whole life scared waiting for the sentence. This also separates me from God and Christianity. I am almost 90 percent sure I have never said a thing like that and that even if someone say a thing like that, it would be blasphemy. It would not be real and he just needs to repent.
If you need more details about my situation, I will write you again. This is serious problem in my life so please answer me. Thank you for your answer.
First, logically you know you did not make this vow because you have had problems with pop-up thoughts in the past and you know that this sort of vow is not what you would approve of making.
Second, no man can bind God's actions with his vows. You imagined that if you didn't keep your vow that God would have to do something to you. You can't dictate God's actions. "But now, O LORD, You are our Father; we are the clay, and You our potter; and all we are the work of Your hand" (Isaiah 64:8).
Apologize to God if you made such a vow, or thought you might have, and go on about your life. Realize that you don't need to make rules for yourself. God teaches us what we are and are not to do in His Bible. That is sufficient for anyone. Reading the Bible is a good thing, but you don't need a vow to do what you should be doing anyway.