Question:

Hello,

My college boyfriend and I had and on and off again relationship that included sex. I am not confident that there was ever a point that I was not sharing him. He left the country for a year. Before he left he told me he was about to ask someone he wasn't in love with to marry him. I cautioned him against it.

When he returned we started talking again about work, and I found out he was married. I always imagined us getting married.

Two weeks ago I was visiting family out of town. He was in the same place. He asked if we could spend time together and mentioned that things are not always how they seem. Eventually he told me that he's getting a divorce and that he loves me, always has, always will, and that he was going to marry me one day. The whole night I was trying to be strong and God-minded. I told him frankly at least 20 times that I was not going to have sex with him. I ended up losing all restraint and now I am pregnant. How do I tell him? Where do I go from here? I also have a year old son. He knows about him.


Answer:

I'm left wondering why you prefer your fantasies over the realities of the situation. Let's list out this man's qualities:

  • He has never been committed to you in the past.
  • Even when he was having sex with you, he was having sex with other women at the same time.
  • He claims to purposely marry a woman he doesn't love.
  • He commits adultery against his wife while married to her.
  • While married, he talks a woman into having sex with him even after she repeatedly told him "No."

And you want to marry a bum like this? Even if his divorce goes through, he is not illegible to marry again because he is involved in adultery this is probably why his marriage failed. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9).

My recommendation is to cut all ties with this man. Since he fathered a child with you, make sure he is held legally responsible to support this child financially as the child grows.

Meanwhile, you need to straighten out your life. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:9-11). You cannot continue to be involved in sexual sins and make it to heaven.

Thank you.