Question:

I want to tell my fiance about what has happened in my past that is bad. I am worried he will leave me. Please help me.


Answer:

"Have I therefore become your enemy because I tell you the truth?" (Galatians 4:16).

First off, the question is: Does he need to know? Reasons he might need to know include:

  • He's going to eventually find out anyway, especially after you get married.
  • It is going to impact his life in some way.
  • It helps him understand who you are and why you make certain decisions or have certain fears.

If you decide that it is important that he knows, then you tell him. Your past is a part of who you are today. You might have overcome some great difficulties and horrible events, but those things shaped the person you became. If something in your past is going to cause him to leave, it is better that you both face it now. Otherwise, if he finds out after you are married, he'll blame you for trapping him in a situation where he feels he no longer has a choice. You want a man to marry you because of who you are and who is willing to face your past at your side. If he leaves because of your past, that tells you that there was a flaw in his character that you are better off finding out sooner than later.

If this is something that you caused but you have changed since then, emphasize that you did something in the past that you have regretted and that you have changed so that it may not happen again.

Thanks for getting back to me. I need to tell him, as I hate lies. I am finding it hard as I want to tell him I am on probation and I only get to see my kids every other month. This is hard as I love him. I am off probation later this month.

This is something that he will learn about, so he needs to hear it from you. If he marries you, he needs to deal with your children as well, so he needs to know the situation.

Lies are never acceptable (Revelation 21:8) and in this case not revealing these things in your past will impact him.