Question:

I am a 25 year old Christian. I recently graduated from a university. A year before graduation I met the man of my dreams. He was picked by God for me from among many others who wanted a marriage relationship. I asked God to choose for me in prayer and fasting and He did. Ever since we began dating I have had such peace in my heart about it. But my parents (who aren't strong believers they go to church but they are living for themselves) are opposing our desire to marry, saying he's from southern Nigeria while I am from the northern part.

They opposed the idea until God made a way. But at every point they keep obstructing. For example, they left him to plan the whole wedding because they feel he's a gold digger. They want him to do things that are not necessary. Even my pastor says it's not necessary, things like coming to be introduced in church and so many traditions. He lives 14 hours away from me and they want him to come as many times as they want. Its bad enough that he's left to shoulder the wedding and my needs (I am still looking for a job).

Sir, to summarize the story, my parents have suddenly decided to cancel the wedding simply because the agreed date is drawing near and they aren't ready. They complained about how inferior the wedding card looks, how my fiancé is not willing to oblige their demands of wanting him to fulfill traditions. When I asked them why they are doing all these things, they said they want to know if he loves me and if he didn't, he will run at the sight of pressure from them. They decided to move the wedding ten months later. What's hurtful is that they have never prayed concerning all these decisions they take.

A month before my wedding I got a job interview. I went for it, and I got the job. But my parents are saying they don't want me working in the same state as my fiancé because they no longer support the marriage. I begged my employers and was able to convince them to reserve a slot for me, while I sort the family feud. The second job interview came and they said I should not go. But as I write this mail am on my way for that job interview whether they like it or not. Most importantly, while I went for the first interview, I did a court wedding with my fiancé since my parents completely have decided to frustrate us. Now they are fuming with anger because I told them today. Well I am willing to make my decisions and stand by it. The church wedding is next month but my parents have finally said they won't consent. They expect me to support their decision.

So am I doing wrong for seeking after my own desire?


Answer:

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

I hope your parents straighten up before they end up not being able to see their grandchildren. The decision to marry this man is your own, not your parents. Your parents can only serve as advisers, and they have proven themselves to be petty people, which is a shame. This is why God said at the beginning that people first leave their parents and are then joined in marriage.

You are a married woman. The church wedding is a celebration of that decision you and he made to join your lives together. You are no longer under your parent's authority because you and your husband have formed your own family. Whether your parents show up at your wedding celebration is up to them, but their "consent" has no meaning. I don't know what Nigerian wedding traditions are, but what I would suggest is finding substitutes for any involvement that your parents might have had, such as asking his parents or someone from your family who is happy to see you married serve as stand-ins.

Personally, I think your husband is a blessed man for having found you.

Thank you, sir, for your reply and comforting words. I am truly favored to have gotten your attention. You'll be hearing often from me as I will be updating you on new happenings. May the oil of gladness on your life never run dry in Jesus' name.