Question:

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. We are in our 20's. He got closer to God when he went to jail. He got out and he started reading to me and getting me closer to God. We've made mistakes though. We have been having sex outside of marriage, and we both know it's wrong. We do want to please God. I stay at his house sometimes and we read the Bible, hang out and watch movies, but then end up having sex. We've had many occasions where we quit but then do it again.

I went to see him yesterday and he was reading the Bible and I could tell he had been crying. I know he was having a moment with God and before I went to his house I had a moment with God and cried as well, telling Him I felt as though I wasn't going to make it because I keep doing what I know is wrong. We didn't have sex. He was able to hold me without anything happening.

The thing is me and my boyfriend can't get married because neither of us are citizens or have ID's. Today we got into an argument where he got angry and said he wanted to please God. I agreed with him that I did too, but he was so angry he told me he didn't even like me because all I do is tempt him. He said some hurtful things. I haven't heard from him all day after the fight. Anytime we argue he brings God up and says we fight and argue because God isn't accepting of our relationship because we sin. I love being with him because he is the only one I have who can talk to me about God.

My friends think I take things too far because I don't party drink or smoke. They say I take this God thing too seriously as they put it. I don't spend time with my friends like before. Even my family makes fun of me because I believe in God. That's why I don't want to stay home. In my house I feel troubled, people arguing and cursing at each other, disrespecting each other. At his house things are more calm, I feel peaceful and safe.

Please help. What can we do?


Answer:

I disagree about you two not being able to get married. Even though the two of you are in the country illegally, you still can get married if you can find a preacher willing to hold a wedding ceremony. There is also the option of returning to your country for the wedding, though I realize that it may cause other problems, or getting yourselves recognized as immigrants to the country you are in. These would be preferable since as Christians we are supposed to obey the government (Romans 13:1-2). Since he was in jail, but not deported, it would appear that he has some sort of recognition in the country. "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8-9).

But you are correct that you can't continue this fornication. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). It will take both of you working toward the same goal. Don't stay late into the night at his house. Met up at public places so there is less opportunity to behave badly. If things get passionate, leave. It is hard, but it is better than sinning.