What more can I do for my ex-wife who lost a child?


Good afternoon Brother Hamilton and all the brethren at the La Vista congregation.  I'm hoping you can offer me some guidance on a complicated issue:

My former wife's son recently died in a very tragic fashion.  He and I had a great relationship while his mother and I were married and maintained occasional contact following our divorce.  My former wife and I don't have any kind of relationship at this point, but she's long since forgiven me for my failures as a husband and we are cordial when we do see or have the rare opportunity to communicate with one another. 

I've texted her a few times since the death of her son, mostly to see how she and the other children are holding up and to offer all the support I can.  I've offered her (and the kids) to call me at any time if they want to talk, vent or anything else.  What I'm wondering is, how far should I go with my support and concern?  She asked that I keep her in prayer (and obviously I've solicited much prayer for her) and said that she'd call me at some point. 

My love for her has never dissipated, but I'm more concerned for her as a grieving mother and sister in Christ.  If it's the Lord's will for us to reconcile at any point, then it will happen, but that's not even a part of my thought process right now, and I don't want her to feel that I have any ulterior motives. 

I hurt for her and the kids and feel like I should be doing more than sending texts but don't want to overstep any boundaries.  I also don't want to make an already painful situation worse by seeming too pushy with wanting to help.  She's said to me that only God can help her through this, and I know absolutely that she's correct, but from the perspective of her former husband, stepfather to her children and just concern in general, I want to know what I could or should be doing to help right now. 

Any insight is greatly appreciated.  God bless you, keep up the outstanding work your doing on behalf of our Lord and thank you very much.


Dealing with death is always hard. I'm sorry for you and your former wife's loss. It sounds to me that you have done a lot already. Keep your ears open for small things you can do to ease their burdens. It can be as simple as polishing everyone's shoes for the funeral, to bringing breakfast that morning or dinner that night so they don't have to worry about small matters.

She knows you care. You've offered what you could. Now it is time to wait and see if she wants your help or not.

Good morning brother Hamilton. Thank you for your response, which is greatly appreciated. I'll keep all of it in mind and just be available if needed. Have a great day, and, again, please keep up the great work on our Lord's behalf.

God bless.