Question:

Hey,

I'm a brother in the church, I'm 21 and I'm a virgin. I am struggling far as thoughts, urges, etc. It's getting harder each year to contain. Each year the urge gets stronger. I have a girlfriend, she is in the church. She is a great help to the church, and she encourages me in all aspects especially keeping my virginity. I really care for her, and I can see myself marrying her. We have been together for almost a year. To sum all this up, should I marry her because my urges are getting stronger plus I can see myself this sister?


Answer:

"But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8-9).

Paul was urging Christians to hold off in getting married because of the upcoming persecution (I Corinthians 7:26). It wasn't wrong to get married, it was only going to be harder on the married Christians to remain faithful. However, I want to point out that Paul is assuming that he is talking to couples who have decided to marry but are considering putting it off because of Paul's advice.

This is not quite the same case with you. Yes, given a choice between marrying earlier versus committing some kind of sexual sin, marrying is by far the better choice. But I also don't want you rushing things just because you are sexually aroused. People are notoriously poor thinkers when they are aroused.

If you really, truly love this woman for who she is and she you in turn, then by all means ask her to marry you. But realize too that this means you have to double your guard. Just because you are intending to get married, or even when it gets to the point that you will be getting married in a few weeks, it is no excuse to drop your pants. Believe me, I remember those days. The temptation can get really strong. What helps is to remember that it isn't forever and that you can hold out. Plus, you know you will be happy to look back and know that you kept your commitment to God and honored your wife by putting her dignity (and yours) first.

Thanks, brother, for the wisdom. This has really help me. If the issue continues to bother me, I'll contact you again.

Thanks again.