I've been disobedient and I want to be closer to God. I want him to bless me. The thing is, I'm a very inconsistent person. Most times, deep down, I don't feel like reading the Bible, which is horrible. Before when I felt like this I forced myself to read it hoping that the feeling would change, and it would, but it wouldn't last. I feel like such a bad Christian, or just not a Christian at all. I made a decision to become closer to God, but I'm messing up. This decision ended my long term relationship that I feel is my first tribulation that I'm going through, which I'm completely failing at. In the beginning of the breakup, I was reading and praying, but now, instead of using my faith to over come, I've done the opposite and done things I shouldn't of done which I knew was wrong. I'm just a complete mess and want to overcome this feeling and inconsistency of not reading my Bible. I'm also lazy too. I'm honestly interested in changing my ways. I haven't gone to church in about a month. I understand that things take time to manifest which is why I probably revert back because I don't see a change. Also when I reach a certain level of achievement for myself, I stop. No matter what it is. It really frustrates me and I pray about it and try but nothing. I really need your help. What can I do to keep myself focused and dare I say, interested? And to stop being inconsistent?
You didn't give me much to go on regarding the sins you are struggling against. What I gathered is:
- You were involved in fornication, but broke up.
- You sought solace in God, but since it was an emotional commitment, it is running out of steam.
- You got involved in other, unspecified sins.
- You given up worshiping God.
Consistency comes from making a commitment and also finding joy in doing. Most people have no problems being consistent in showing up for work because they know they are getting a paycheck. However, when it comes to religion, the benefits are discounted.
I don't know if you are attending a true church or only a denomination. See: We Are Simply Christians Without Being Members of Any Denomination, You Can be Too!
In regards to Bible study, being a part of a group who are interested in God's Word will fan your devotion to God. Also, you should study the Bible in regards to things you are currently interested in learning.
I don't know what sins you became involved in or why you had been doing them. However, the best passage I can think of for you to consider is: "Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls" (Hebrews 12:1-3).