Question:

I have been married for ten years, and they have children. Throughout the marriage my husband has been in one affair after another. From the beginning of our marriage he cheated; in addition to abandoning me and the children for days and sometimes weeks on end, going so far as to bringing his mistress to our daughter's birthday party in my presence. I did leave him and walked away from the home we were buying to live with my mother and get healing. He did not keep up with the home when I left and ended up losing the home. He then came to live with me at my mother's house. After some time he got on his feet and moved out and I moved into my own place. He got evicted from that apartment and went to live with my mother again.

During this time I ended up giving him a little over $4000 over a span of time to help him with his bills. His car is in my name, his insurance, etc. He once again got on his feet and moved out into his own apartment. I moved into a house with our three children. He once again got evicted from this apartment and has gone to live with my mother again, paying her rent and dropping her off at work.

In the meantime he does not pay child support, he refuses to pay me back the money he owes me, and he does nothing for his children except pay for the youngest child's daycare. He has a gas and electric bill in my name for over $1000 and the power company is threating to cut off my services. I pay rent, gas and electric, care and upkeep for our children, etc. His family has nothing to do with me, his mother does not even know our children; so I cannot even go to them for help with the children. (Expenses, babysitting, child care, pick-ups, sleepovers, holidays, etc.) While he pays my mother rent, he is rarely there now except to take showers, get his clothes, and eat dinner because he stays with his girlfriend and her children most times. He will sometimes act pleasant but that is only when he has lost his job or is down on his luck. Once he gets back on his feet he is mean, rude, and verbally abusive.

I would like to know what I should do about the whole situation. What is your opinion as I do not know what to do? I want him to be a father to our children and don't know how to go about that situation either. I has been hoping and praying for years for his salvation and for him to change but since nothing has changed, I feel lost and would welcome any counsel you have. Do you offer counseling as I would be interested if you do.

I am depressed off and on and very lonely from time to time. Am I allowed to date or see anyone during this time?


Answer:

While you left your husband, you didn't mention whether you divorced him or not. You certainly have the grounds for divorce. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9). When that divorce is completed, you can date and marry another man. The divorce would also give you rights to collect child support from your ex-husband.

Why would you want a flagrant sinner to help raise your children? This is not the type of example any child should have in his life.

I know you would like your marriage to be healed and your husband to be saved. I would like that as well, but people have free choice and your husband wants to sin. Until he changes his mind, he has to bear the consequences of his choices. Don't hold out after false hope.

I do offer counseling as I have time, but I don't think I can offer much more than what I've already mentioned.