Question:

Hi there.

I'm really lost in love. I'm a Christian and I've been searching for love for a long time. I've been used for sex so many times. I've been in relationships based on sex. I don't know why I attract these type of guys. I really do want to settle down and have a family, but who would want me after doing this? I've prayed to the Lord give to guide me and help me understand. He knows my love and the praises I give to Him.

Then something happened out of the blue. I knew this guy from church. We were just friends. I liked him when I first met him, but I hesitated. He had a girlfriend. He wasn't my type, but I called him one night and we talked and laughed. We texted on the same night. Then he came over. We talked, then touching led to kissing, then sex. We had sex and he slept over. I have feelings for him. I think I may even be in love, but he had to leave the day after to another country. He will be back this week. But he is a player. He thinks it is a game, but it's not to me, though I played it out like that. Hopefully something more happens to us than this one fling.

Please advise me. He's the pastor son.


Answer:

You touched on the problem. One of my friends would say, "You talk the talk, but you don't walk the walk." What you say matters less than what you do. "You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them" (Matthew 7:16-20).

Fornication is wrong. It is against God's law for good reasons. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). He too is only a pretend Christian.

Not only this, you know he is not serious. You know he is only using you for sex and some enjoyable company. You should not be giving yourself away like this. If a man wants you, he has to prove himself by marrying you first. But you cannot love a man out of his sinful ways, especially if you have participated in his sins.

Thank you for your reply. It touched me. So what do I do? I want him. I don't know what to do.

You don't have him. And while he continues to to pay attention to you so he can have sex with you, you don't have God either. Surely you are not so desperate for attention that you are willing to throw everything for a worthless man. Tell him that he ruined his chance for a good wife and keep looking for a good man for yourself.