Question:

Please l need your advice on a matter.

l have been married with a wonderful son, but two years into my marriage my wife started behaving as if she doesn't care. She didn't want to share anything with me, despite the fact that my business was not doing well. In fact, it got to a point that l found it difficult to eat. Despite all this she didn't care. When things were okay, l performed my duty as a husband to the best of my ability.

Some time ago l met a young lady who showed me all the needed care I desired. She did not allow me to to be depressed about not having a job. We were very close and l thought we could get married. l went to a prophet who told me l should not have gotten married to my wife because we are not compatible. The prophet said the lady l just met is the best one for me, that we are perfectly okay.

This worsen the situation as l begin to hate my wife more. l moved out, got another apartment, and the other lady moved in with me. We started our life together. But before l moved away from my wife, l was able to secure another job. l was managing things, believing that it was my relationship with the new lady that opened the door of this new job for me. But just a year after getting this job, l was sacked, and things started going bad again -- no food, no money -- but this lady still stood by me. We started borrowing.

Things were getting worse, until one day l met with a pastor of a Pentecostal church in my area, who incidentally was talking to me about a man who walked out of his marriage for almost twenty years. He said he spoke to the man about the convenant of marriage and what God said about whoever violate the rules and the marriage vow. The disscusion touched me so much that made up my mind to go back to my wife.

Now, the lady and I have separated, though not easily because she didn't want to go. She is accussing me of wasting her time for almost four years. Some people are saying that what l did to her is not good, that she is the one who loss. With all these allegations, l am feeling guilty and my conscience is troubling me.

I have gone to my wife and begged her to take me back. She forgave me and we are planing to come together again. l am presently talking about what we can do to avoid all the mistakes of the past. We have learned our lessons and we are getting to love each other the more.

But about the other lady? What can l do? Am l really guilty? l know l have sinned, and l am seriouslly asking God to forgive me. l thought l should forget everything about this lady because it is better to offend a human being than to offend God. What do you think, sir? l await your advice and counsel over this.

Thanks and God bless.


Answer:

Of course you are guilty of sin. You committed adultery by having sex with someone who was not your wife. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).

Just because someone calling himself a prophet told you what you wanted to hear, it doesn't follow that he spoke the truth. Just as in Israel's days, "And the LORD said to me, "The prophets prophesy lies in My name. I have not sent them, commanded them, nor spoken to them; they prophesy to you a false vision, divination, a worthless thing, and the deceit of their heart"" (Jeremiah 14:14). This prophet of Satan told you to break God's law. Since you wanted to abandon your family for a woman who paid attention to you, you accepted his lies as justification. "You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it" (John 8:44).

I have trouble believing that you did not realize you were in the wrong. Instead, it sounds like you didn't care because what you wanted was more important to you than living righteously. Though it speaks of the woman, it equally applies to a man. "For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man" (Romans 7:2-3). I'm glad someone got through to you and made you face the truth that you have been living the life of an adulterer.

Yes, you have to abandon this adulteress. She wasted four years of your life by distracting you from your duties and tying you up in sin. Of course she doesn't consider what she did wrong! "This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, and says, "I have done no wickedness."" (Proverbs 30:20). You never had an obligation to this woman. You have no covenant with her that God would recognize.

What you need to do is become a real Christian and not just someone claiming to follow Christ while going his own way. See: What Must I Do to be Saved?