Question:

Good day,

My wife and I are married for over ten years and have beautiful kids together. We are both reborn Christians. She filled for divorce recently due to my abusive and agressive behaviour when we disagree sometimes. I agree that I said things to her and my kids about a month ago that went too far. I love her and my kids with all my heart and agreed to sign the divorce papers because according to her this will make her heart happy (at this stage I want to see her happy). She believes that we should get an divorce and if God wants us to cross paths again it will happen. I have two questions to ask you please.

  1. If I sign the papers tomorrow is it a sin?
  2. Do you think her idea of divorce and remarry each other again after we find each other again is a good idea?

Lastly, I am not innocent and as previously mentioned I was rude to her and my kids in such a manner that she had to phone the police.

Please help with some answers.


Answer:

Though you claim to be Christians, neither of you are acting like Christians. Words alone don't make someone a believer.

While you admit that you have been abusive, but you also word events to downplay your role in the destruction of your marriage. I strongly suspect that this isn't just about the events that occurred a month ago; those where just the final straw.

What she personally believes is wrong. She is focusing on what she wants instead of what God wants. ""For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with violence," says the LORD of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously"" (Malachi 2:16). A divorce is not going to solve your anger issues and it won't make her happy in the end. Instead it will bring in additional complexities and difficulties that will likely lead to additional sins on both of your parts.

The reason is simple. Her divorce of you does not give her the right to another relationship or marriage because it isn't about you committing adultery. "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11). Yet, her actions will add temptations to both of you.

I don't know the laws in your country, but I suspect that if she is determined to divorce you, there isn't much you can do to stop it. If it really were a matter of you learning to control your emotions, then I don't know why she did not ask for a separation instead of a divorce.