I am in my early twenties and had a godly life since childhood. I had sworn to remain a virgin until marriage, but last year I had this boyfriend who promised we would get married. We had sex. Later he broke up with me claiming I was unfaithful since he lived far away, but never had a thought of cheating in our relationship and never will. The problem is that I cannot yet forgive myself or have the same relationship with God that I once had. I prayed and asked forgiveness but I still feel bad. It's been seven months now. Will I meet another man who will to love me as I am or should I remain single for life? I feel I don't deserve anything. I am useless. Please help. My spirit weary.
You allowed a bum of a man to talk you into having sex. The very fact that he wanted to have sex without waiting for marriage should have been enough of a hint that he wasn't a godly man (Matthew 7:16-20). Instead, you gave yourself an excuse to sin by claiming you could cover up your sin latter in marriage. As you now know, a person's word carries no weight, especially when his actions contradict what he claims.
But that is past. You've asked God for forgiveness, but then you tell me that you don't believe God will keep His promise. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9). You put your decision (forgiving yourself) above God's decision. You put more trust in your own feelings than in God, that needs to change. The only thing coming between you and God is yourself.
Just because you picked a bad boyfriend in the past, it doesn't mean you have to give up. I have no idea what the future holds for you. You'll just have to wait and see. But what I encourage you to do is make better decisions in the future -- decisions based on God's teachings.
I guess I have to face the consequences. I will trust God's forgiveness and see what the future has for me.
Thank you for your advice. I really don't know what got into me because I had kept my word for over twenty years. But it's in the past like you said. I really need peace. I keep thinking about it all the time. I need to move on.