Question:

Just recently I started recognizing in our communities statements about sex that are weird, and they come out from women. When the issue of sex comes up, the wives response would be something like "don't dream of it tonight (though it might sound sarcastic, yet they manage to say it out)" or "this is all you think about and nothing consumes your mind other than that" or responses that would really show women as not interested in sex, and they are just providing it for their husband to satisfy them.

I'm wondering why these are the responses. Do they reflect the women dissatisfaction within the couples sexual life? Is it that women really don't want sex and don't desire it and are just giving it as a duty to their husbands? Is it that the man is not satisfying his wife and just satisfying himself? The way that it's responded to by women makes me sense that they don't enjoy it, and that their husbands are more animal like than human like, desiring sex all the time. Now I need to note that these couples don't really seem to be engaging in sex daily, but they don't even desire it in a month span.

Can I please have your advice on that. Moreover, how can newly married people avoid such issues and scenarios?


Answer:

I doubt that a one size fits all answer can be given to that question. It isn't that women don't have a desire for sex. Some women, especially during the menapausal years don't enjoy sex. Some find sex a chore because they and their husbands never learned to satisfy each other. Others had bad childhoods and associate sex with bad memories. The list could go on and on. That such problems can and do exist is behind Paul's instructions:

"Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (I Corinthians 7:2-5).

Sex is about the other person. It is an opportunity to give your spouse intimate pleasure that is reserved for just the two of you. When a person begins to think selfishly, then the problems arise -- not just in sex, but in many other aspects of the relationship as well.

For starting off with a good foundation, see: Preparation for a Lifetime.