Question:

Dear brother,

I am a member of the church of Christ and have been almost all my life. I married when I was 19 to my high school sweet heart. We were having some problems with money because I lost my job and things got hard, so one day she decide to leave me. Well, after maybe a month she said she wanted a divorce, and she was never going to change her mind. After she told me that I went to her mother's house to see her. That is when I found out she was sleeping with another guy. So two months after that I still tried to get back with her, but she had already filed for divorce.

When I got this news I was at a rough point in my life. After finding out that she filed for divorce, I had sex with other women for about another month or so. Now I have a child on the way and living with someone who I would like to marry.

So my question is does God see that I can maybe remarry again because when she cheated He saw that she was not going to change her mind about working things out and go forward with the divorce, or do we have to wait until we have it in writing.


Answer:

I'm trying to figure out how you grew up among Christians and then managed to get yourself into this kind of mess. Let's start with the basics. You are committing adultery. It doesn't matter that your wife started this, you had no business doing it, too. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). So number one priority: move out and straighten out your life with God. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9).

No dating women until after the divorce is completed. You did sire a child, so you are responsible for his upkeep until the child turns 18 in most states. If you want to marry the child's mother after the divorce is final, that will be your decision. I'm taking you at your word that this divorce is due to her adultery and not yours. However, I want you to step back a moment and think before you do so.

Realize that you made a mistake in selecting your first wife. As soon as life got tough she left. That is the type of behavior people who commit fornication have when facing problems. I don't know if you two had sex before marriage or not, but I do know that is a common trait. Now you want to marry another woman who was willing to have sex outside of marriage. In addition, if I understand your story correctly, you've only known her a few weeks. Are you picking a woman to be your lifetime companion or are you just wanting anyone who will be nice to you for a while? You don't fix problems and sins by piliing them up.