Question:

Hello, I am in need of your advice.

I am in a relationship with this guy. He is a great guy, and I am so excited about our friendship. Initially in our relationship, I made him understand we weren't having sex until we married, but somehow along the way we started having sex.

The first time I felt so guilty and prayed for forgiveness, but it happened over and over again. I was so sad and even felt Jesus won't even listen to me if I said I am sorry and that he should forgive me again.

I like this guy so much and would want to be with him but, most importantly, I want to honor God in my relationship and stay pure until I marry. My boyfriend is willing to wait too. It is just that it happens anytime I visit him in his house. I have said repeatedly to myself that I won't visit him in his house, but I end up going there, and we have sex anytime I am there.

I feel we are both not committed to staying pure and that worries me. I feel like breaking up with him, but he is a nice guy, and I love him so much. We need help to stay pure. I have decided to break up with him, but it's so hurting to see him leave my life.

My worry is: we are both Christians and want to honor God, but we keep sinning and asking forgiveness. There must be a stop to it since we can't make mockery of God's mercy. I believe God forgives us anytime we ask Him but doing the same thing repeatedly makes me doubt if we will be heard and forgiven.

Please help us. We need help. How can we stay pure as Christians?

Your response will be appreciated. Thank you.


Answer:

"What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" (Romans 6:1-2).

In order to stay pure, you would first have to be pure. At the moment you are not accomplishing that. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

You have regret over what you are doing, but that regret hasn't motivated you or him to make any changes. You do the same things each time and get the same results. True repentance is changing both your mind about what you are doing and changing your behavior. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).

When a couple is faced with fornication, there are three responses:

  • Acknowledge that the other person is not as dedicated to God as he claims and break up. "Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals"" (I Corinthians 15:33).
  • Make radical changes so that the temptation to sin is removed or at least greatly diminished. "Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother's way" (Romans 14:33).
  • But the most sensible is to simply get married. "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8-9).

I am constantly amazed at the endless excuses people give as to why they have to remain in situations where they cannot resist sinning. You claim you love him and that he is a good guy, but you are willing to dump him. All three of those cannot be true at the same time. My guess is that he isn't as good of a guy as you imagine him to be and that you aren't as strong in following God as you should be -- but you can always prove me wrong.

Thank you so much for your response.

With regards to I Corinthians 6:9-10, does that mean, even if I say sorry, I wont be forgiven? I don't want to die in my sins, so I will repent and resolve to live pure with regard to my love relationships. I love to say I love God, but I always get this query that, why are you not keeping my commands? If I say I love God, I will obey Him right?

I resolve to do penance and serve God with all the sincerity of my heart. It is better for God to love me than a man to love me, right? How much can a man even love me. It is about time I become serious about my spirituality.

How can I help my boyfriend too in terms of his spirituality? Initially when we meet, I encouraged him to go to church, join a group and learn from the church. He started but along the way he stopped, and now I don't have the moral courage to tell him to go because I feel I caused him to sin and afterward preach to him to go to church. Can I tell him to be serious with his spirituality, or I should leave him to figure it all out by himself.

Thank you so much.

You need to read the verse after: "And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:11). If you leave your sins behind and do as God directs, then you will be forgiven.

True love of God implies obedience. "Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves Him who begot also loves him who is begotten of Him. By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and keep His commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome" (I John 5:1-3).

God doesn't require penance. He wants you to change to become a better person.

Jesus said, "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:1-5). You both are equally guilty about this sin, but you aren't in a position to help him because you first have to help yourself. Find a man a church, such as the preacher or an elder, and ask him to help your boyfriend.

Thank you so much. I have heard everything. I am so grateful.