Question:

I am reaching out for advice from you. I am just at the end of my rope. I am in a situation that I do not know what to do. I have talked to many many people in the church where I go. Everyone that knows me knows my situation, and I have no answers.

I have a husband that has a passive aggressive personality. He will not solve any problems or even really try. I have a son that is now using herion since he cannot get oxycoctin as easy as he use to. He is 23. When I try to help, I am to blame. My son is becoming like my husband -- passive aggressive toward me, so like my husband treats me, my son is also. I am so afraid he will die, and I am now almost sure of it. When I try to talk to my husband he shuts me down and makes it all my fault the reason he is using it.

My husband has been gambling for nearly ten years -- almost on a daily basis. He lost everything and lost his self employed job. He just got his business started again just recently, so he is very behind and still gambling when he gets any amount of money in.

My son lives with us and works only part time because we only have one car and no gas most of the time. It's been a long road just to get my husband's job back. This week we should be getting a paycheck for the first time in three years.

Now, my son needs help and we go to church every Sunday and Wednesday. He has been added to the church, baptized and saved. I just don't have the money for rehab or to help him stop. I have done what I know how to do or could do.

I need some advice on what to do next to save my son's life. And how to live with a husband who is so emotionally mean to me and teaches my son how to be what way also. I would love to get divorced and be at peace and happy, but I would want to remarry at some point. How do I live this way because as of now I am so tired. It's not worth the fight of staying.


Answer:

Your note illustrates that people can act like followers of God, while simultaneous live sinful lives. Neither gambling or drug use is acceptable behavior for Christians. It doesn't matter that your husband and son warm seats in service. What matters is whether they are following God.

There isn't much you can do for your son since he is an adult now. Unless he wants to get off drugs, you can't force him. If he wants off, there are resources available to help him.

The same goes for your husband. There are programs for problem gamblers.

But in both cases, the church should have withdrawn from them for not repenting of their sins. "But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner--not even to eat with such a person" (I Corinthians 5:11). Gambling is a form of coveting. Drug use is a form of drinking. Since the church you attend is aware of these on going sins, but is doing nothing about them, it may be time to find a sound congregation to attend.

Right now you are only looking for escape. You really aren't seeking out a solution. A separation can limit the impact of their sins on your life, but it won't solve all the problem. You may want to consider it as a way of withdrawing from their continuing sins. However, it won't give you the right to remarry (I Corinthians 7:10-11).

You have to realize that you can't make your husband or your son live righteously. You can encourage them, but what you really need to do is focus on living as righteously as you can. Your salvation depends on what you do, not what they do or fail to do.