Question:

Mine is a difficult question. I am a Christian and have been separated for over 10 years. My husband and I are both Christians actually, I am faithful he is not. Our marriage has been terrible. Alcoholism, drug abuse, neglect left me alone for the first several years which ended up with me committing adultery. The loneliness was too much but not an excuse to sin. I actually got pregnant, so my sin could not be denied. My husband stuck around for a bit but with the drinking and drugs it was all too much. When my adultery was revealed, he admitted to me he had been unfaithful to me earlier in our marriage. Later I discovered it was with my brother's wife. I guess my question is: I have tried many times to reconcile with him but he doesn't want to. He knows I hate his drinking, so must I remain as I am until death? I don't think a faithful man would take a chance, and I don't think I want to either but I am wondering if there is something in the Scriptures I'm missing. I have searched as some days are better than others. I did not continue in the sin and have a lovely child.

Thanks for your efforts, it's a good work.


Answer:

Just because a person claims to be a Christian, it doesn't make it so (I Corinthians 6:9-10). For a while neither your husband or you were behaving as Christians. It sounds like you have straightened your life out, but he has not.

You are separated but not divorced. I have no idea if your husband is continuing to commit adultery or not, but it sounds as if the only reason you two remain separated is because of his drug usage.

Marriage is a covenant. It is a lifetime commitment to other person. People treat it too casually today, but you have to realize what Jesus said: "And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' "and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:4-6). A marriage only ends with the death of a spouse (Romans 7:3-4). God allows one exception: if a spouse is sexually unfaithful, the other spouse has the option to end the covenant (Matthew 19:9). If the marriage ends for any other reason, Paul said, "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11).

I know it is rough when you realize you made a bad choice in a mate, but marriage covenants are not trivial things and you weren't forced into this marriage. Hopefully your husband will straighten out his life before it is eternally too late.