I have an addiction to alcohol. It started when mom bought wine or beer for me and my friends at 13. I'm a Christian and asked the Lord to take this desire from me time after time. I'm so sorry that I grieve Him with my behavior. I had a very bad childhood. My mother had an affair with the milk man, literally, my brother and I are the product of her affair. She stayed in that relationship until she died. There was nothing but yelling and screaming in the house between mom and the man who I thought was my father. My older sister pretty much took care of me. She was resentful for she knew what mom was doing. She was brought to the house of my father and told to wait in the car while they went into his garage. She wasn't stupid and put two and two together.
I've been afraid of something my whole life and don't know why I left back twice in school. I quit school in the tenth grade, and joined the Navy to run away. I'm in my fifties now. I love the Lord so much! I just can't help myself. Can you give me any advice to bring peace in my life?
I'm sorry that you had to go through so much as a child. But you and I can't change the past, so let's concentrate on the present. You speak of not being able to help yourself when it comes to alcohol. That isn't an accurate statement. There is a strong desire to drown both your past and present sorrows in alcohol, but you do have the ability to say "No!" "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10:13).
I can't make you quit, but I can encourage you to do so and I know you want to as well. The first month is physically the roughest. It takes another month or two before you realize that your thinking has become clearer and the seemingly overwhelming problems fade to manageable ones. What helps a lot is having someone to talk to regularly and to discuss better ways to deal with problems instead of running from them. "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much" (James 5:16).