Question:

Dear sir,

I am in a relationship with my girlfriend. We have had all types of physical sexual relations except deep penetration. I know I am sinning and have been trying to get away from it, as I am going far from God. I acknowledge that God have been kind to me in many of paths of life.

My area and society is not like yours. We need permission for marriage from our parents. I approached my parents to allow me to marry my girlfriend but my mom and dad oppose my marriage with her saying the girl is not of good conduct and morals. In my heart I don't think it is good to marry anyone else other that my girlfriend. I went for prayer to many prayer leaders. They prayed and said that Holy Spirit says my parents will remain strict in their decision and finally we both will elope and get married in court but not in church. Please help me and pray for my parents and God's mercy would be on me, forgiving my sin and helping me marry with blessings in the church and the blessings of my parents.

Please help me.


Answer:

First, anyone claiming to have direct messages from the Holy Spirit is lying. God said He would end prophesy (I Corinthians 13:8-10). Using God's authority to express personal opinion is not wise.

What you and your girlfriend have been doing is wrong. The word for it in the Bible is lewdness. "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14).

Your parents are correct that your girlfriend isn't displaying good moral character, but they are ignoring the fact that neither is their son. I don't know if your girlfriend has repented of her sins as you seem to be determined to do. I can see your parents' concern. If a person is willing to break God's laws before marriage, what would stop him or her from breaking those laws after marriage?

Since I don't know her, I won't try to second guess your decision. If this is the girl you wish to live the rest of your life with, then you must decide if you think she will make a good and faithful wife to you. Nothing stops you from coming to a conclusion different from your parents. But if it turns out they were right, realize that you won't get any sympathy from them.

God commands marriage. "And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate"" (Matthew 19:4-6). However, nowhere has God ever required that weddings take place under the authority of churches. If such were to be the case, then all non-Christians would not be married and that is not the case. "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy" (I Corinthians 7:14).

It would be nice to have your parents' blessing for your marriage because it would mean that they agree with you that you made a good selection. It would be nice that others, such as the leaders in the church, also thought you were making a good choice. But ultimately, who you decide to marry is your choice and her choice. If you decide to get married on your own, it doesn't mean you will have any less of a marriage. The main thing you will be missing is the support of your family and community in facing the hard times that will eventually come in any marriage. But your marriage will still be bound by God because it will be in accordance to His command.