Question:

Hello sir,

Let me share a great burden in my heart with you. I am only a few months away from my marriage to a lady I have known for just over a year. We have done the family introductions and have a date fixed for our wedding.

She came to me last weekend confessing she cheated on me the day before by kissing a classmate in her post graduate class. She is still apologizing. I won't deceive you that forgiving is not an issue for me, but continuing or stepping out, despite the fact that our parents and families are making preparations, including our churches. She told me she was tempted. I am sorry for myself and for her because it is really disheartening. I can't believe this has happened to me, not when we have a date already.

She told me it didn't go beyond kissing, but I feel bad that the lips I honored by keeping away from and as well honoring God by keeping ourselves chaste has been dishonored by someone else cheaply. She is actually a virgin to date, and I appreciate her, but I doubt if I am safe again with her. I feel it can happen again seeing she is as good as being married. Everyone knows about our engagement including the classmate. Unfortunately, the classmate is also a Christian brother, so to say.

I am heartbroken. I don't know what to do yet. I need advice. I have been talking to God to help me decide what is most best for us both or me. I still want to preserve her dignity. I have not told anyone at all except you and it's easier for me to do so for obvious reasons. I don't want to bring shame to her, but I have to talk to somebody. Please, let God use you to speak to me as always.

Thank you.


Answer:

I understand your struggle. What makes your question difficult to answer is that we have the facts of what happened, but not the motivations. Why did your fiance kiss another man when she knew you were waiting until your wedding day to kiss her? Why did this man, knowing she was about to be married kiss her? Without that information making a good decision will be hard. Is there an older man or woman, whose judgment you trust, whom you can send to talk to both your fiance and this other man? It must be someone who will not gossip. Ask the person to find out why this happened by talking to both people and then tell you, in their opinion, if it was a momentary lapse or a sign of a deeper problem.

I would like you to have a separate person to ask because there is too much emotion between you and those involved. It will cloud your judgment, keeping you from seeing what needs to be seen.

If the opinion is that it was a momentary lapse that both are determined to have repeated, then I would recommend continuing with the marriage. Satan gets to all people. "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us" (I John 1:8). As hard as it may be, you will have to trust her. At least you know she isn't one to hid her sins from you.

If the opinion is that there is something deeper here, then I would recommend postponing the wedding and if the problem cannot be resolved, then ending the relationship. But if it can be resolved, then know that your relationship is that much stronger because you overcame a problem together.

Hmmmm ... deep. I appreciate it. This has really helped me. I pray what has given me joy over her will not turn to sorrow. I will get back to you as to how things eventually turn out.