Question:

Hi Jeffrey,

I have a question for you regarding a situation with a female co-worker of mine that I have taken interest in. I'm trying to seek your advice on what you think I should do regarding this situation.

The situation is that I have an interest in this woman, but her values are worldly and not honoring to God. She involves herself with sinful activities and it's definitely an issue for me. I have issues regarding my interest in her in that I like her because of her beauty and because she talks with me. I like the attention she gives me as a female probably because I haven't really had that much attention in my life from a female.

I understand that my interest in her is more of an infatuation rather than being interested in her values. I've also struggled with lusting after her since she is very attractive. I'm struggling to cope with my feelings as they have taken over my life and my thoughts every day. I feel depressed about it as well and want to do something to overcome any discouragement and even my infatuation. I'm thinking about telling her about my interest in her, but I'm afraid of some consequences occurring. Do you think it's wise I do this?

I want to share the gospel with her, but I'm afraid of approaching her about it and don't know how to start a conversation with her to talk about God and the Bible where she'd be interested in talking about it all. The other thing is that I'm afraid my feelings are in the way of sharing the gospel with her because of my motives. My motive is that if she obeys the gospel and changes her life, I'd pursue her. It's as if I'd be sharing the gospel with her in order to pursue her eventually. But I know it's best that she obeys the gospel regardless of my feelings and I've tried to think of it that way. Do you think I'm fit to share the gospel with her?

I'm wondering if you can please give me some good advice on what I should do regarding my situation to improve it for the better and in accordance with God's will.

Thanks!


Answer:

There are two sides to this and both need to be considered.

First, it sounds to me that you are afraid to discuss the Bible with her because she might reject it. If she rejects it, then all your hopes get dashed, but if you don't say anything then you still have hope and someone to desire. In other words, by not sharing the Gospel with you, you are avoiding getting to know an important part of her character. Christ is important to you, so shouldn't it be important to share it with someone you are interested in?

Let's just assume for the moment that she is worldly and isn't really interested in Christianity. Such a woman can be a danger for you because you are already infatuated with her. She has a greater chance of leading you astray than you leading her to God. "For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life, to keep you from the evil woman, from the flattering tongue of a seductress. Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids. For by means of a harlot a man is reduced to a crust of bread; and an adulteress will prey upon his precious life" (Proverbs 6:23-26). While I know you are strongly committed to the Lord, I doubt that in your current state of mind that you would have much resistance to a woman determined to pull you into bed.

Thus, some rules: First, you are not to say you are interested in her until after you find out if she is sincerely interested in the Lord. If you announce your interest first, then there is a possibility that she'll fain interest for a while just to keep you around. You need to know what type of woman she is without the complications of a budding relationship. Second, you are not to study or spend time with her alone at your place or her place. Find places to talk where other people are around.

Finally, you need to be honest with yourself. You barely know this woman. There is a potential for interest but one of your important criteria hasn't been met. Don't compromise. If she isn't interested in serving the Lord, you have to be firm about moving on to find someone who is a Christian.