Question:

Of late, I have started following Jesus Christ, although I am not a Christian, and reading Bible has helped me overcome a lot of stress and depression. I need your help on my life's greatest issue.

I fell in love with a guy when I was 17. We were in relationship for almost ten years. Several times during those years I felt he was not the right guy for me, but I was emotionally attached to him, so I couldn't call it off. I did feel we were made for each other for all our differences complemented each other. We decided to marry and got married with our families' approval.

After marriage, I used to stay with his parents and him. We parted ways after six months of marriage. The reason was that I could not cope up with his family values and behavior. We used to fight and abuse each other verbally and physically. Mostly all our fights were due to his family's interference in our married life. His entire family, almost all the time, interfered in our conversations. His parents never gave us the privacy we deserved as a couple, which in turn, led us having almost no sex but only physical intimacy in those six months.

His financial crunch in turn worsened the situation, when his parents wanted me to give over all pf my earnings to them. My husband and I had decided to save one salary and spend the other. My husband never asked for my earnings, but neither did he refuse when his family asked for it.

Among all the problems I had with my husband, I gave up after six months mainly because he never ever stood by me when his parents took toil on me. His parents literally used to command over our life and he expected me to obey them, as he believes "An ideal son and daughter-in-law is the one who obeys their parents and relatives". This triggered my temper and I left his place.

He never came back to reconcile with me or take me back home. After several months I realized it was wrong on my part to leave his place, so I requested him to reconcile and take me back to his place. He refused. His family (not him) then approached me for divorce. I refused the divorce. Now it's been a year that we have been separated with no communication between my husband and me, mainly because his family has asked him not to answer my calls or messages and never to meet me either.

Meanwhile, I have heard from his friends that he is seeing someone. I am unsure if it's true. What do I do now? After my refusal, he hasn't approached me for a divorce. I asked him to reconcile and start a neutral family to which he refused. I do not want to divorce him. With his behavior toward me, all I can make sense is that he does not want to live with me. So would it be a sin on my part if I give him the divorce as he wants? Would it be a sin on my part if I think of remarriage to someone else? Will I be forgiven for verbally abusing him and his family while we fought?

It kills me every day to stay separated from him, being his wife, and it kills me more when people say he is seeing someone. I am confused on what should I do. Work toward this relationship or give up?

Please, please help.


Answer:

I can't put something back together that you knowingly broke. You spent years with this man. I take it that you were sleeping with him prior to marriage, and perhaps living with him and his family. Nothing about his family situation was new to you from before and after marriage. Rather, I think you had the impression that things would suddenly change because of the marriage and it didn't.

You left when you should not have, that was your fault. You should have learned to live with other people.

What they demanded of you was wrong, but it didn't require fights. It only meant your ignoring their improper requests.

He has been wrong in not trying to restore his marriage. And it sounds like that he gave up and has found someone else. If you have good belief that he is sleeping with another woman and the divorce occurs, then, yes, you can marry again.

But you need to face the fact that when you build a relationship on sin, it rarely turns into something good unless everyone involved admits to their sins and gives them up.

I wish I could offer you some better advice, but without his cooperation, there really isn't anything you can do by yourself to restore this marriage to what it should be.

I know I made a mistake by leaving his place, but at that point in time I was completely lost and was unable to do anything right. I tried to repent and go back to him, which he refused. Moreover, I wasn't living with him before marriage and never slept with him before marriage. Although, I agree I was aware of his family situation. All I want to know is how do I repent for my sin? How do I make sure that I am spiritually clean for another marriage? Because I do not want to build another marriage on sin as it means a lot to me and I can't let another relationship go for loss. Please suggest me on how should I repent for my past sins.

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