I have been feeling very convicted. I find myself questioning my salvation.
I have been married for over five years and have decided to leave my husband for a man I met playing an online game. I know I am in the wrong. I have no doubts. My husband claims he loves me, and I believe he does, and I have a small amount of love for him too. But I am madly in love with my boyfriend. I have a tottler and I know that moving across country to be with my boyfriend will have major effects on her, even though I'd take her with me. I do have borderline personality disorder and now that it makes me think irrationally and impulsive at times. I want to marry my boyfriend and live the married life I desire. My husband and I had issues from the get go, but I still married him. My fault I know, but now I want out. I know that divorcing and re-marrying is a sin, and so is knowing my boyfriend carnally while I'm still married. My question is, will I burn in hell if I proceed and divorce my husband and marry my boyfriend?
Actually, I would assume that you are madly in love with your imagination. You tend to build relationship on what you don't know about another person. Since you are supplying the missing pieces from your imagination, you can build a one that is rosy and perfect. Then eventually reality hits.
I suspect that you know almost nothing about this man that you plan to run off with, which to you is perfect because your imagination has no limits. If you follow through with running of with this man, you will quickly come to regret you decision because reality will force its way in. You'll then find someone else to run off with. You'll constantly convince yourself that love is just around the corner, only to find that the corner constantly moves.
Rather than base decisions on emotions or imagination, which are completely unreliable, I urge people to decide things by the standard of God. "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, For this is man's all. For God will bring every work into judgment, Including every secret thing, Whether good or evil" (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14).
I think it is a shame that you know you are breaking your marriage vows, you plan on sinning, and you know it is going to ruin your child's life; yet none of the important things in life matter to you. The only thing you want is to chase after fantasies. Then you want to know if God cares if you ruin your life and the life of others. Really? "But in accordance with your hardness and your impenitent heart you are treasuring up for yourself wrath in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, who "will render to each one according to his deeds"" (Romans 2:5-6). Any sin that is allowed to continue in your life will put you in danger of facing God's wrath.
Life is more than yourself. It is more than your personal happiness. It is time you grew up and live life to its fullest by living in the truth.