Question:

I am a Christian. I am writing because my husband wants a divorce. He has stated to me that he believes that he should be able to have more than one wife and live under one roof with them. I really think that he doesn't believe that, but he just want to be able to be free to be with whomever. We had committed fornication before we married. My husband believes that at the time he thought that getting married was the right thing but he is now not happy and believes because we did not do thing the right way before we got married that he is in the right for wanting a divorce. I disagree and because of his persistence, I have moved and we are now separated. So far as I know he has not acted on his thoughts. I don't have proof that he has committed adultery, and I don't believe that I have a biblical right to divorce him. He refuses any counseling. What should I do?

We have young children who have been affected already by the separation. So far we have been sharing responsibilities in caring for them. However, we had an argument. He became angry because I stated to him that if he persists in this lifestyle, I will petition the court for primary physical custody of the children. I will admit he has been a good father. I have not problem with the way he takes care of them. My problem is with my children being exposed to a polygamous lifestyle. Although it has not yet occurred, I can't wait for it to happen and then act. I feel I need to act now by getting them out of that situation. I know this hurts him, but I don't want them exposed to that.

My goal is not to divorce my husband. I have faith that the Lord can restore, but I do need guidance on standing firm on his word. His reasons for divorce seem to be many. I believed that whatever the reason it was that we got married, we made commitment and I not one to break that commitment.


Answer:

It is interesting that your husband wants to commit sexual sin by having multiple wives. He is willing to divorce his only wife, supposedly to be free to do this. Yet he also justifies the decision because he had committed fornication before his marriage. The conflicting reasons tells me that these are unlikely his true motivation. Truth tends to be consistent. Liars have a hard time keep their story consistent.

Your husband's words are that he wants to raise his children in an immoral situation. That you want to protect them from this is perfectly reasonable.

My guess is that your husband is committing adultery. If you want to know, you can always hire a private investigator.

I don't know if where you live has no-fault divorces. If it does, then there isn't much you can do to stop him from divorcing you other than not make it easy for him. If you do find evidence that he is committing adultery, then regardless of who asked for the divorce, the divorce would clearly be because of his adultery, which would leave you free to marry again (Matthew 19:9). If he truly is all talk and no action, you would need to be prepared to live the life of a single mom if he decides to divorce you (I Corinthians 7:10-11).