Question:

My wife and I had a marriage that was in shambles. Instead of turning to the Lord, we continually relied upon ourselves. Our communication was bad, respect level was low, and our intimate life was terrible to non-existent. Over the years I ended up having multiple affairs. Just last month I told her about it, and we said we were going to work on us. I made another fall for temptation and ended up kissing another woman about a week later and she found out. I have since submitted myself for counseling for sexual addiction, turned all my electronics over to an accountability partner for viewing, and use the covenant eyes program. I have also given all my personal passwords for email, Facebook, and anything else that can be a means of temptation to him. My wife, despite my repentance and desire to reconcile, is pursuing a divorce on grounds of adultery. I have made it clear to the congregation, friends, her, and most importantly God of my failures and asked for forgiveness. I have also shared with all, my intent to reconcile with my wife and to fix myself. It has only been a short time (two weeks), but I am staying true to my word and will continue to do so. I do not want to go to Hell and I do not want my kids to grow up in a broken home. I don't want them paying for my sins and my failures. I do not see with how, with all the commandments and examples shown, she should be encouraged by fellow Christians to divorce if I am repentant and want to make the marriage work. What do I do?


Answer:

You continue to turn yourself around. Regardless of your wife's choices, you need to make the commitment to live righteously.

Sins have consequences and sometimes they can't be reversed. Notice how you lived your life doing exactly the opposite of what you now realize you want. Your rocky marriage was not permission to sin. What is happening now is not permission to return to sin. No matter what happens, it is past time to get your life and and your goals consistent with a faithful Christian heading to heaven.

Yes, your wife is required by God to forgive when a sinner repents (Luke 17:4). That she may fail to do so is a sin that she'll have to answer for, just as you have to face the results of your sins. That others are encouraging her to break Christ's command is also a shame and one which they too will have to answer for in judgment.

The problem is that I'm talking to you. Neither you nor I can make other people do as they ought. The only person you can work on is yourself. "The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself" (Ezekiel 18:20).

Keep improving. Who knows she may change her mind before the divorce. She may change her mind after the divorce and remarry you. But right now you have to approach this as a change you are going to make that will last a lifetime, regardless of anyone else.