Question:

My year began on a very hopeful note, and I was really looking forward to making great changes in my life. My guy friend and I had not chatted or hung out for a while. Unfortunately the day we saw each other it seemed we could not resist not hanging out. I agreed to go to his place, breaking one of my resolutions. We fell into the sin. I felt hopeless in my journey of really trying to be pure. The final resolution for me now seems like I just really need to stay away from this guy, like cut off even communication, but every time I think of doing that I feel bad. I wish I could have him as a friend but not be influenced or fall for his words or lose my senses when I'm around him. He is a man who tries to live a godly life and has great qualities, but this seems to be our undoing. I know I can resist, I just wonder why sometimes it seems impossible or hard. I asked God to forgive me, and I told Him that this cannot happen again, not while we are professing to be Christians. Any guidelines or studies that you can help me with that will help me fight this sin, or rather know how to handle this friend and friendship? When I'm on my own I do not even think about it. I do not even allow myself to yearn for him or any man for that matter.

Also, my prayer life has not really picked up. I'm certain that I'm not standing so strong because I'm not praying as I ought to.


Answer:

"Do not be deceived: "Evil company corrupts good habits"" (I Corinthians 15:33).

It seems you have a man who claims to be Christian, but doesn't behave as one. I took note that you said you "fall for his words," so I conclude that he is the one keeps pushing the limits and who is instigating sex. You have to give greater credence to a person's actions than to their words. "You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them" (Matthew 7:16-20). His actions says that he wants to commit fornication, contrary to what Paul stated in I Corinthians 6:9-10. He claims to want to live a godly life, but his behavior says otherwise.

In the same way, your actions speak louder than your words. You claim to know that being with this guy will result in sex, yet you convinced yourself that this time it would be different. It is almost like biting into a sandwich, realizing that the bread has gone stale, but trying another bite later just to see if it has changed.

There wasn't any indication that this guy has changed. But you not only went with him, but you went alone to his place. I think the only one surprised at what happened was you, and you weren't completely surprised. "He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed" (Proverbs 13:20).

The way to resist is to not allow it to start. When you are aroused, you don't think clearly, so the best thing to do is avoid situations where it is possible to become aroused. It appears that you can't maintain proper boundaries with this man because he keeps pulling you across the line; therefore, the answer is to stop seeing him because he is a bad influence on you.

Thank you, Jeffrey. I appreciate it.