Question:

Hello,

I have a seriously problem. I have been with this girl for more than one year, and she is Christian as I am. But we have been having sex during this time and now she has decided to not do it anymore. We are the best lovers we can be, but she is feeling guilty as I do. I want to stop having sex with her, but she already had one guy before me, and she dated him more than five years. She already did it a lot with him, and I am feeling really bad for her deciding to be pure just now. I know that this is wrong, but to stop doing it now will be a great dishonor to me, and it is not fair. If she was virgin or if at least I had took her virginity, but both didn't happened, and I am stuck in this situation, which is destroying me slowly. I sincerely ask you to help me with any advice.


Answer:

The problem is that you want to claim to be Christian while living worldly.

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

"Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles -- when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries" (I Peter 4:1-3).

You claim you want to stop, yet you make it clear that if sex was offered again you would not hesitate. She has repented of sin, but you have not. Your mind remains the same as it was before, so I must conclude that you don't really believe that having sex outside of marriage is wrong. It is something you say, but not something you practice. While you claim to feel guilty, you don't act like it.

Consider the justifications you give:

  • She sinned before, so therefore she should continue. "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" (Romans 6:1-2). Sin isn't wrong only the first time you do it.
  • She sinned longer with another guy than with you. So? If you married her, you would enjoy sex and much more far longer.
  • For her to stop is a dishonor to you. For you to continue is a dishonor to God. "But why do you call Me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do the things which I say?" (Luke 6:46). This is a claim that your pride is wounded. It should be wounded because you have been taking pride in committing sin.
  • It is destroying you. The actual truth is that you have already destroyed yourself in sin. "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:18).

So, isn't it time to be an true Christian? It isn't that sex is forbidden. It is that you have to commit yourself to one woman in marriage first. You have to put God first in your life, but right now sex is more important to you than God.

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age" (Titus 2:11-12).

Thanks for the reply.

All you said to me is true. I am being too selfish. Since I didn't say those things to anybody I would be grateful if you pray for me. I am trying to be close to God, but I need to first solve this problem in my life.

Thanks a lot for considering my message and my problem.