Question:

I can't accept my girlfriend because she isn't a virgin. I know her past because she told me everything. I have also done sexual things. it is not fair that I can't accept her. I am also addicted to pornography. I have tried so much to get out. Each time I fall I get further away from God and accepting my girlfriend seems to get more difficult. What can I do?


Answer:

"Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. But we know that the judgment of God is according to truth against those who practice such things. And do you think this, O man, you who judge those practicing such things, and doing the same, that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?" (Romans 2:1-4).

The reason you get further from God is because you know what you are doing is wrong. Getting closer to God means having to give up what you would rather do. People often try to have a foot in Satan's camp and a foot in God's, but such never works. You can't be with both. "Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up" (James 4:7-10).

It is interesting that you condemn your girlfriend for behaving just like you. It means you know you are wrong, and while you can accept sin in yourself, you can't accept it in others. The answer then is to first clean up your own life. "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:1-5).

Another point to consider is that her sin wasn't against you. It was against herself. "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:18). Yet you hold those sins as if they damaged you in some way, when the truth is that your own sins are damaging you.

Dealing with pornography is not easy, but it can be done. It requires that you love God more than you love sex. And it requires a determination to keep doing what is right even when you slip and fail along the way. See: Pornography to start learning what is wrong with pornography and to see how you are being manipulated. From there we can talk about how to break your sinful habits.