Question:

Hello,

I have a serious unanswered question that's been bugging me since I was asked to seek the truth. I used to work for a company where there was man. We had a few talks and pleasant conversations when we had time. I tried to help out when I could. Not long before I left the company, he told me he had problems in his marriage. Also that he grew up Amish and has several beautiful young children with his unfaithful wife. He is very religous and does his best to respect the beliefs of his own, his parents and God's. He told me that his wife whom he has been seperated from for two years was messing around on him with a pastor at a church they used to attend. She continues to be unfaithful and disrespectful to him and the children.

He has been trying so hard to be with her and make things work, but she refuses to be faithful to him. This has gone on for a few years and the harder he tries to mend the relationship, the worse he feels. It's apparent that she will not be faithful and make things work. But since he grew up Amish and his parents are still Amish, he is not allowed to divorce.

They also believe that spouses are not allowed to talk to the opposite sex while being married. So our conversations were few. I did what I could to help, but it wasn't enough. I know in the Bible it says to forgive, but sometimes it seems impossible. According to what he had told me he wanted to get divorced but if he does his Mom will never speak to him again and he will not be allowed to remarry. He loves his Mom and is not prepared to loose her! So is he supposed to remain in a shattered relationship with someone who's using him and taking advantage of him and the children? How is that healthy? I know it says in the Bible that God wants us to be happy. So why does his family insist on his misery and her happiness? A question he had asked me (and I'm still trying to find the answer): Where in the Bible does it say he can remarry since he is the innocent one who didn't go outside the marriage? That is the verse I'm searching for and it seems everything else is in the Bible, but that one seems to be hidden. I have read in multiple verses that it is OK to divorce reguarding infidelity, but if the adulterer remarries they commit adultery as does the next person they remarry. But what about the one who is the victim in it all?

I know my friend does not want to and would rather make it work for the whole family but she apparently is not participating and is not going to; otherwise, she would have done it by now. I currently am not speaking with him, but I am still trying to find answers the biblical way. I just know there has to be an answer for the innocent spouse, the victimized floor mat. Is there any way you could help me to find the verses I need to help a friend in need, please?

Thank you and God bless!


Answer:

See: I need a dumbed down version about divorce and remarriage.

He is truthful that the Amish religion does not allow for divorce. In rare cases it is allowed but without remarriage. The problem is that while divorce is never good, God does allow it to happen in limited circumstances. Divorce is never required by God, it is only allowed in the case of fornication in a marriage (Matthew 19:9). If he decides decide to divorce, then he would have to also make the step of becoming a simple Christian instead of an Amish Christian and that is hard because the Amish put a lot of weight on family ties. He will have to put God over his parents.

"Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; and 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.' He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it" (Matthew 10:34-39).