Question:

All right,

I am in a relationship with a non-Christian who I am trying to reach out to. She loves me, and I love her. We have a lot in common. Her parents love me. I am persuing possibly going into youth ministry. Right now I'm taking general classes.

The problem I am having is: what if she doesn't accept Christ as her Savior? She says that she just doesn't understand how God is eternal. I don't know what to do!

I have struggled with things in the past: pornography, smoking, drugs, etc. We haven't had sex. I told her I wanted to wait until marriage. She's OK with that, but when we cuddle it always leads to things I shouldn't be doing.

Help!


Answer:

"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:1-5).

If you are going to seriously consider being a minister and help other people serve the Lord, then you have to first deal with your own problems. This might be a part of the problem with your girlfriend. You say you want to wait until marriage for sex, but you behave as though sex is just around the corner. Consciously or unconsciously, people pick up on these inconsistencies.

You know you should not be having intercourse with her. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

But if the final act is wrong, then the things leading up to intercourse are equally wrong. I'm guessing you've gotten involved in sexual foreplay, which gears the body up for sex. In the Scriptures that is called lewdness.

Obviously, with such things going on, your thoughts aren't about righteous things. More likely you both are thinking about intercourse. "For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man" (Mark 7:21-23). Eventually you'll convince yourself in some form or fashion that sex would be acceptable, and then it won't take long to drop your pants. "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14).

This is why Paul said, "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1). Sexual touching has no place between a man and woman who are committed to not sin.

In regards to the question of what you do if she doesn't become a Christian (and accepting Christ is only a small part of what God requires to become His child: see What Must I Do to be Saved?), you have to decide whether you want a wife who doesn't value the Lord the way you do. I can tell you that if you are serious about being a preacher, such a woman will eventually destroy your efforts.

If you can separate your feelings for a bit and look objectively at the situation, would you recommend this woman to be the wife of your best friend if she were dating him instead of you? If not, then why are you making an exception for yourself?

Thanks, it really did help. I talked to her about it two days ago that we can't do that, and I had a heart to heart with her. She told me she does believe that there is a God, and she is seeking the Lord. She is going to morning and afternoon church with me. I truly believe that we can wait until marriage to not have sex or foreplay. Keep me in prayer. I'm going to not be alone with her. I thought about it, I would recommend this woman to be the wife of my best friend.