Question:

How do I continue with the father of my two children, whom I've been in a relationship for 13 years and just found out he might be the father of a baby who's mother is the person I found him cheating on me with two years ago? Do I believe his story about him being sure the baby isn't his? He confessed to me that he just had another affair with someone else last month. Because of this I had a sexually transmitted infection from him and that's how all these confessions came about. I have forgiven him the first time he was caught. I've prayed on it asking God for answers and direction. I am afraid to leave him just because I would hate to raise my boys without their father.

He tells me he has changed and wants to marry me. I am confused and need reference from the Bible to help guide me and him.


Answer:

"Behold, the LORD'S hand is not shortened, That it cannot save; Nor His ear heavy, That it cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; And your sins have hidden His face from you, So that He will not hear" (Isaiah 59:1-2).

I still find it amazing that someone who is committing sin will complain of another person committing the same sin. Not that this is new, Paul pointed out that it was going on in his day. "Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. But we know that the judgment of God is according to truth against those who practice such things. And do you think this, O man, you who judge those practicing such things, and doing the same, that you will escape the judgment of God?" (Romans 2:1-3).

You have been committing fornication, having sex without being married, with a man for 13 years. There appears to be no remorse over this fact. I suspect that you believe it justified because you limited your sin to just one man. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). You're upset because the man you've been having sex with doesn't limit himself to just one woman; yet, you left yourself with no grounds for complaint because you did not require commitment before sex yourself. There really is no commitment between you and this man.

You say that he changed, and people do change, but what I consider key is the evidence of change. There has to be motivation, a change in mind, that also reflects itself in a change in behavior. At the moment it appears you only have his word and meanwhile you two continue to sin. That is where I have a hard time believing him. If he has changed, then why is he continuing to commit fornication? That tells me that he doesn't see anything wrong with having sex with people he is not married too, just like you.

Then in the midst of this you would like God to answer your prayers while you continue to flaunt His laws. That is just not a reasonable approach to God.

What is critical for all of you is a radical change. You both need to get right with God and start living as Christians. See How to Become a Christian. Having given up your sins, then decide whether you want to spend the rest of your lives together with this person exclusively; and if so, get married.

Thank you very much for your answer. I truly agree with you, and honestly felt that we were just one. I mean we have been engaged before on and off, but at times I felt fear to marry this man, though, I truly would hate to get involved with someone else. I will take this of what you have told me and greatly instill it in my heart and soul. I know that through you the Lord is speaking to me.

The problem is that you've been only pretending. In the Scriptures that is called "hypocrisy." You pretend you are married, while making sure you are not because you don't trust him. You want him as a father to your children, but you don't want to make a commitment that locks you to him. Yet, when he continues his same sin with other people you get upset. Neither of you are in the right and I hope both of you will realize that and radically change.