Please give me some insight:
There is this house that I have been praying for. Now in my spirit I sometimes believe that this is my house and that God has blessed me with it. I have received some signs that it could be God's promise, but they not so concrete and keeping this belief feels so heavy to carry.
I started feeling like I'm psychotic or imagining things, that God never said its my house. Funny thing is I see it in my prayers, In my spirit it feels like home but it's become such a burden especially now because I'm in need of a home. It's so hard to let it go and at times I do let it go but it comes back and I will believe and trust God for it and then something will happen that will take that hope and trust way from me.
Personally I donít want to even think about it, I've given up the hope of having the house but then I feel like I'm disobeying God for not trusting. The thing is this house is completely out of my range. It's too expensive. I've accepted my situation for what it is and am willing to live in a smaller place, but my relationship with this house has become tormenting, I feel like I'm haunted because it's like I donít mind not having it anymore, but I cant help it. I can't block it out anymore.
I know that nothing is impossible for God, but I mean my life is different. I'm not the kind of person that deserves such a big house or someone who can receive such a big thing from God. I'm just me.
God has not promised you a house, let alone this one particular house. You are taking your own wants and attributing them God to justify them. The "signs" are not signs of anything but you looking wishfully for some confirmation of what you want.
You are not psychotic, you're falling into the trap of covetousness. You want what belongs to someone else. Since covetousness or greed is a sin, God isn't going to answer your prayers in order to support you in your sin. "You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures" (James 4:2-3).
Be content with the things you have and the life you live.