Question:

Hi,

I have a problem with my parents not being supportive when it comes to my relationships. They want to chose for me whom I date even if I hate the person. They don't consider my feelings at all. I had to date one guy whom I will name Charles. I took him as a friend and my parents said I should date him because he's got respect, has a bright future ahead of him, and he can even take care of me.

But at that time I was in love with my first boyfriend whom I will call David. I loved David dearly but they didn't approve of him.

I dated Charles for four years. I had the worst two years of my life up until I learned to love him. He was still in school at that time. When he finished he got a job and everything changed. He dumped me and came up with a lot of excuses of why he didn't want to be with me anymore. While I was dating Charles, David wanted me back. I would take him back, which I wanted to with all my heart, but my parents said to me the guy was no good. I lost a lot of weight because I was very unhappy and my parents where happy.

Now the big part. Then I met Seth after I got dumped by Charles which made me the happiest woman in the world. He's a Christian. We first became friends, then we courted, and we made a baby (I know wrong move). Then things changed. He started cheating on me, and we ended up becoming abusive -- both of us -- physically and emotionally. We both told our parents and my parents started hating him and in the 3 1/2 years We've been together we broke up and made up a lot of times. Every time we break up he doesn't want to support his child, but when we are together he becomes the perfect man. I don't want to lie, but every time I am with him I feel complete. I am very happy. I feel safe.

Now my parents are angry at me because I'm still dating him. I know that no one is perfect. We've went for counselling and things are much better now. He doesn't cheat on me anymore. I see a lot of changes from where we've been. I believe we can make it. However, to my parents I am not doing the right thing. Please help. I don't know what to do anymore. I want make God happy by respecting my parents, and I want to be happy to for my sake and my baby's too.


Answer:

The answer is simple. You've got to grow up and start making good decisions.

You call your current boyfriend a Christian, but neither of you are acting as Christians ought. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). The mistake wasn't that you had a baby. You've been sinning with this man for a long while, getting involved in lust, lewdness, and fornication. This immoral behavior led to a child being conceived, but the sins have been there long before the conception.

If you are happy with this man, then you two need to get married. But that means you two need to start approaching life as a family instead of two individuals who like to tumble around in bed together. That is going to take a lot of work because you have been going about these things completely the wrong way.

Yes, your parents are happy with this man. After all, he claims to be a Christian but behaves like any other worldly man. He not only got you pregnant, he was committing fornication with other women as well. He fights with their daughter, which also doesn't make them happy. And he hasn't been consistently supporting the child his sin caused. Now, does this sort of man sound like a good prospect for a husband?

It doesn't mean that I don't think you two can't turn things completely around. But it does mean you have a lot of issues to overcome, the chief of which is this acceptance of letting sin rule your lives. The real starting point has to be both of you turning your lives completely over to Christ and living by his laws. When you do that, you'll find that living with each other as husband and wife will be much easier.

Notice that I haven't mentioned anything about your parents. You've been playing at being an adult, so it is past time that you take responsibility for your own life. Your parents advice wasn't bad in what you relayed. Most all of your difficulty was of your own making because you haven't been following your parents' advice. But this is your life. If you want the challenges of a difficult relationship, then that is your choice. You can't blame anyone else for what you decide. And if you decide to take this route, it is reasonable to expect that your parents aren't going to support you in that decision, which is their right. But as I've said, it is time for you to stand on your own two feet and face the responsibilities of your own choices.