Question:

I have been in a relationship with this girl for about a year and a half now and now it's starting to fall apart. First let me layout the facts:

She was born and raised Christian, but in High School had a falling out since her Grandma died. She doesn't drink or do drugs, but she smokes cigarettes like a pack every 3 days -- so not too bad. She has gone to church with me and attend my family events when I ask her to, and I attend her family events as well.

We did not marry first, but due to financial reasons, I was left with no choice but to move in with her. I really didn't want to until I knew I wanted to marry her. We have talked about marriage, but we our both still in college, so we want to wait until we both are finished, but she told me she is scared and can't really see getting married.

Lately, she has been spending less time with me and been seeing another man. I actually caught her kissing him two days ago. Now she wants a break but not to break up. Since I don't make a lot of money, and I can't afford a place of my own, she feels bad to kick me out, so she is letting me stay at her place. There are other roommates, not just me and her. I have already been trying to fight for her. I texted the guy she's been seeing myself and basically told him that I knew what he was doing and didn't appreciate the fact he's trying to steal my love, while we are currently still together. One reason I found she's been hanging with this guy is that she liked the attention. Every day I would spend time with her, so I'm not sure what attention she was looking for.

I've been reading that you should forgive and forget, but does that apply to girlfriends or just wives in regards to a case of somewhat adultery? She says she still loves me, but right now my trust is at an all time low. She did a great job taking care of me when I was sick. She also loves to clean the house, do dishes, cook, and do laundry. I've been cleaning a lot more to show how much I do appreciate her and what she goes through on a weekly basis.

She tells me that she does not want any children and wants to travel when getting older. As a Christian, I've been praying to God to open her mind to other options that are more rewarding.

Lastly, since we are money tight, we don't find ourselves doing a lot. We have two full days together, and we do go out Saturdays, but Sundays we mainly end up watching TV or movies, or playing video games. I thought this was fine since it's our day of rest, but I feel she doesn't like the cushy lifestyle.

Those are the main points I wanted to point out. Other than that, my final question would be: Should I forgive and forget and try to work it out first or should I not even bother and go? But since cash is limited, I really have nowhere to go. If we did split, I would still be living a room or two away. Any advice or suggestions would be beneficial.

Thanks for taking your time in hearing my request.


Answer:

One cannot be born a Christian. A person can be raised in a Christian environment, but until a person chooses for himself to be a Christian, they really are not one. While you see yourself as a Christian and she as a straying Christian, the hard fact is that neither of you are living like Christians. It appears that you two have been having sex even though you are not married. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

You claim that the reason is financial, but you are not being honest. You moved in with her to save yourself living costs, but those expenses would not have changed if you had married before you moved in with her. Therefore, finances were not the reason you did not marry. You were closer to the truth when you said you did not know if you wanted to marry her. In other words, you moved in with her before you knew her well. You were willing to have sex with her without being committed to her. You made it sound almost as if you were forced into the situation, but the truth is the you voluntarily chose to sin against God. The finances was nothing more than a cover story.

But even if you wanted to marry her, she has stated that she doesn't want to commit her life to you either. And her actions match her words. She is still "shopping around." You want to call it adultery, but it isn't because your fornication together isn't a commitment -- the two of you are not married. Rather, you should see this for what it is. She has lost interest in you. All you two have is a pretense at marriage; it is all fake so there is nothing to hold this relationship together.

Regardless of this other guy, if you want to reach heaven, you have to give up your fornication. You need to move out. I understand that it is financially difficult, but money doesn't justify a sinful lifestyle. Since she is interested in some other guy, I would suggest that you move on to find another girlfriend. But this time, treat her with respect as a Christian should. If you find that this new girlfriend is one you want to spend the rest of your life with, then marry her and then you can move in together to start a family.

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