Question:

Hello,

Well, I have a question that really bothers my spirit. I am currently attending church weekly and am really trying to devote my life to Him. I am in a delimma. Before I fully gave my life to God, I was with a woman whom I kind of loved but not all the way. We ended up having two kids out of wedlock. We tried to make it work and have broken up many times over.

Here's my question: Does God consider having kids with someone marriage? I want to follow His commandments, but I just don't love her the way I feel like I should. I don't really enjoy spending time with her. I just don't feel the mental connection, but as I said I have much love for her and wish her the best. I don't want to be an adulterer if God considers having kids marriage and if I were to meet another woman and marry her. I just thought your supposed to marry someone you love. If God doesn't consider having kids marriage, would He want me to get married for the kids and stop being selfish with my feelings? I just want to be in a happy relationship, get married, and serve God.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate any answer you are able to come up with. God bless.


Answer:

Marriage is when a man enters into a covenant relationship with a woman. "Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant" (Malachi 2:14).

Sex is what is allowable to take place after marriage, but sex and its consequences does not create a marriage. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).

What you did with this woman is considered fornication. One of the consequences of your sin is that you produced children who now must grow up in a home with both parents. I'm glad you've turned from your sin and I hope that means you have truly become a Christian. (See: What Must I Do to Be Saved?) But regardless, you are responsible for the children you brought into this world. You are responsible for their upbringing and care because you volunteered for this duty.

No, there is no requirement that you must marry this woman. I find it sad that a guy can be perfectly happy to have sex and make children with a woman he doesn't care to live with. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you've changed, but it is a sad commentary on our society that such is somehow acceptable and I feel really sorry for the kids.