Good day minister,
I greet you in the name of God. I have this issue bothering me. I have fasted, prayed and asked for God's mercy, but it still comes to my mind once in awhile. It might sound foolish, but I am not going to lie to you, sir.
Some time ago, my girlfriend told me she missed her period. I was traveling then, but she later told me not to worry, she was going to take something. Later I could not reach her because of my location. Knowing the kind of family I came from, I made a promise to God that if she sees her period, I would quit my immoral life with her and my own dirty immoral life. I also would not be a part of some fraudulent act in my work place. If I don't let thing not work for me, I thought this would help me stop all these sins. Later my girlfriend told me her period came, but I still broke my promise or vow to God, though I tried at first. She later told me she took some drugs. Sir, I've asked for forgiveness, but will God still hold me to my word and use it against me? I have to be sincere, I am trying, praying daily to live a holy life, but I still fall short at times.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Let's start with some basics. Regardless of your vows, no person should be living an ungodly life. "Say to them: 'As I live,' says the Lord GOD, 'I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live. Turn, turn from your evil ways! For why should you die, O house of Israel?' Therefore you, O son of man, say to the children of your people: 'The righteousness of the righteous man shall not deliver him in the day of his transgression; as for the wickedness of the wicked, he shall not fall because of it in the day that he turns from his wickedness; nor shall the righteous be able to live because of his righteousness in the day that he sins'" (Ezekiel 33:11-12).
What you were doing was wrong, regardless of what you vowed. You should not have been having sex with women you are not married to. You should should not be involved in fraud at work. These things are always wrong.
But it appears that instead of being dedicated to avoiding sin, you have been attempting to live a perfect life of never making a mistake. While sin is wrong, it is unreasonable to think you'll never sin. "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us. My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous" (I John 1:8-2:1).
By saying you'll never sin, you immediately set yourself up for failure because sin is prevalent in the world, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). This is why Solomon said, "Do not be overly righteous, nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?" (Ecclesiastes 7:16). This is what you've done. You set a goal for yourself that you cannot meet and therefore you are destroying yourself over something that everyone does.
The proper attitude toward sin is that I don't want to do it. When I catch myself sinning, I apologize to God, pick myself up and continue to strive to live righteously. Sin is not excused or allowed, but it isn't unexpected either.
When you do fall, look at yourself and see why. Usually it is because we try to make allowances for partial sin or we don't take any actions to avoid sin. "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14).
You've been involved in fornication. You got your girlfriend pregnant and she aborted the child. That was your past. What are you going to do to live righteously in the future?